I just don't get it

Ok, enough proselytizing for the day. Time for something funny/stupid... and, as always, one need look no further than insane college sports fans to provide that something. A graduate of the University of Washington school of law has apparently pledged to donate $200,000 to the school -- if, and only if, football coach Ty Willingham and AD Todd Turner are fired.

Among the many e-mails and letters received by the University of Washington regarding the football program and coach Ty Willingham, there are the usual: words of praise, derision, encouragement, urgency.

And then there was this: an offer by a Huskies alum to donate $100,000 to a Washington law school scholarship if Willingham were fired, and another $100,000 if Todd Turner were fired as athletic director.

The Huskies went 4-9 this year in a season when the Pac-10 was pretty much anyone's conference, so I guess I can understand being upset... but, seriously, dude? Denying some aspiring young lawyer the opportunity to earn a scholarship just because you're pissed off about your football team sucking? What planet does that make sense on? Is that even legal? (See, maybe if that scholarship fund were there, I could go to law school and figure out the answer to that question. But now I'll never have that opportunity. Damn you, Ed Hansen, wherever you are!)

I'm sure that I would understand this more if I had gone to a real sports school as opposed to a bucolic Ivy League institution where more people showed up to hear Don DeLillo read from his new book than attended every single football game combined. (Note: I'm not actually sure this is true, but I can tell you that I went to see DeLillo, and only attended one football game the entire 4 years I was at Princeton -- and tickets were FREE.) I just can never quite fathom the mentality of fanatical NCAA fandom.

(said the girl with a Red Sox bellybutton ring)

Also, I hate the Huskies for one reason alone: my ex-boyfriend had this Huskies hat that he always wore for no reason whatsoever. So I hate them. Stupid Huskies.

Who says true love doesn't exist?

Just look how happy Tigers QB Matt Flynn is with the BCS trophy. The passionate kiss... the confetti raining down on the happy couple... this could be the ending scene from a crappy teen romance.

OSU, of course, played the part of the bitchy girlfriend who the hot-but-secretly-sensitive jock-type dumps when he realizes that he actually loves the quirky-but-beautiful heroine. Honestly, this game felt about as scripted as your typical rom-com anyway.

Why on earth should I care about this?

So I don't really have any kind of vested interest in the BCS Championship game tonight. I'm watching, yes, and kind of lukewarmly pulling for Ohio because I have a bunch of friends who are Buckeyes fans and none who are Tigers fans.* Also, it's an understatement to call OSU the underdogs here, and I always like upset victories. It seems to me that the only appropriate finale to this bizarre and unpredictable college football season would be for Ohio to beat an SEC team for the championship. So Go Buckeyes! (I guess.)

I did, however, have my less-than-overwhelming desire to see LSU beaten somewhat whetted by this ridiculous fluff piece (double entendre definitely intended) about how much Tigers running back Jacob Hester apparently loves Elvis in the Globe today.

Hester has been to Graceland eight times and gave serious thought to making it nine over the Christmas break.

His favorite thing?

"I guess I'd have to say the cars," reports the senior fullback. "I love 'em all, from the pink Cadillac to the golf cart."

Hester says his wife has indulged him to the point of allowing an entire Elvis room in his house. Hester has all sorts of memorabilia, his favorite a 2-foot bust of The King.

The movies?

He's seen 'em all, his favorite, "Viva Las Vegas," which co-stars the fetching Ann-Margret, and whose title song is one of Elvis's most underrated efforts. "I agree with you," Hester says. "And there are at least five great songs in that movie."

Yes, Jacob Hester is a terrific RB, but do we really need to hear about how much he loves Elvis? (And yes, Hester is 22 and married. With an entire room devoted to Elvis memorabilia in his house. Dear lord I'm glad I don't live in the South.) No one in Boston follows college football to begin with (I personally went to the Princeton-Harvard tailgate this year, but didn't even bother getting a ticket to the game), so why on earth would you use up valuable newspaper space that could be much better expended on yet another "Do you think the Pats will win it all?" or "Should the Sox trade Jacoby Ellsbury?" survey?

It's so sad, yet true: during the baseball offseason, sportswriters in Boston legitimately have no idea what to write about. I have visions of them all locked in a room somewhere in Quincy, drawing hatch marks on the wall and tossing baseballs aimlessly back and forth. At some point today, someone will bust in excitedly, yelling, "Guys! Guys! Something's coming in on the baseball wire!" and everyone will bolt up in anticipation only to have their hopes dashed when it turns out to be something about Ben Broussard.

I feel your pain, guys. Really, I do. But please spare me articles like this. At least give me another photo montage making fun of the Lakers' short-shorts from the other night, or perhaps an attempt to explain why anyone would want to hire Cam Cameron after this season.



* Correction for the sake of factual accuracy: I don't really have any friends.