There are no words

If you can make it all the way through this video without collapsing on the floor as you choke from trying to hold back the bile rising in your throat, congratulations. Some weirdo Giants fan (a dude, no less) made this Eli Manning video, which is eerily reminiscent of the kind of thing you'd expect to see when a high schooler dies and they play a tribute to them at graduation or something. Seriously, who the hell puts together a football video to the tune of "Time After Time"? You'd expect "Eye of the Tiger" or "Welcome to the Jungle" or something, I don't know, MANLY. Not an end-of-the-wedding-reception slow dance number. If you can manage to sift through the treacly, simpering affection for Manning and the overload of video special effects -- it's like watching the opening graphics for Sunday Night Football for 4 minutes straight -- there's a particularly hilarious shirtless photo of Eli at around 2:19. He seriously looks like a 12-year-old kid.

What's so funny is that, as stupid as this video is, the overall aesthetic of it seems perfectly suited to Eli Manning. I wouldn't be surprised if he commissioned it himself. "Oh, dude, can you use that Cindy Lauper song? The one they dance to in Napoleon Dynamite? Man, I love that movie. It really reminds me of my own life experience as an awkward, skinny high-schooler. Plus, remember that part when the guy says "quesadilla," but he says it funny? Haha. I love that part."

Football on ice

So the above video is kind of impressive in and of itself, what with the running around on the ice and somehow not wiping out in spectacular fashion as I would most likely do. But the story behind how I found this video is actually much funnier. I went on to YouTube to look for more Australian football videos (I'm becoming obsessed), and started to type "football in Australia" in the search box. But then, Firefox did that little thing where the drop-down menu of past searches you've done that begin with the same letters as what you're typing appears, and the strangest thing popped up:

"football on ice"

Yes, that's correct. At some point in the recent past, I actually searched YouTube for "football on ice." I can't for the life of me remember doing this. What on earth was I thinking? What was I hoping to find? Did I find it?

Obviously, I had to perform the search again, and this is one of the videos I found. Nothing really that cool, though. Disappointing.