Coming again soon. Maybe.

So there have been some complaints about the fact that I haven't posted in, oh, two months. (By which I mean: sorry, Mom!) But times have been busy. I moved to a new apartment. I started an amazing new job. The Red Sox almost gave me a damn HEART ATTACK down the stretch in September. Oh, and the new season of The Hills started. A girl has to have priorities, people!

But I will try and post more. The NLCS starts tonight, so maybe I'll warm up with that.

One sad bit of news is that, since I moved, I no longer commute with Yellow Shoes Guy in the morning. So now I have to find someone else to obsess over from afar.

The perfect way to start your morning

Here's a little news gem to make you feel better about yourself: at least you didn't glue your nether parts to a vacuum cleaner last night. I think my favorite part about this story is the guy's assertion that "this was the most embarrassing moment of my life." I feel like, as a side show midget in a circus who bills himself as Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf and includes a portion in his show where he pretends to vacuum the stage with his own penis, you've got to have a pretty high threshold for embarrassment. Right? Seems to me like this would fall under the "all in a day's work" category.

I bet Michael Vick would still rather be this guy than himself right now.



In other exciting news, Yellow Shoe Guy was back on the 86 today. He actually looked fairly dapper, and was sporting a slightly more understated (if still far, far more fluorescent than the average human being would tolerate) pair of electric blue sneakers. I wonder how many pairs of sneakers this man owns, and what his selection process for deciding which ones to wear every morning is. How about when he goes on a date? Is he like, "Well, the yellow ones are too aggressive, but the black ones don't make me look confident enough... the green ones do bring out my eyes... but the gray ones make me look suave and European..." Hee hee. I love this man. Don't ever leave me, Yellow Shoe Guy. We were meant to be.

How To Fight Loneliness

1. Smile all the time.
2. Shine your teeth 'til meaningless.
3. Sharpen them with lies.

...sorry. Like I mentioned before, I've been listening to Summerteeth a lot lately.

The real point is this: I've been in kind of a weird, anti-social funk lately. It's hot and sticky and I haven't been getting enough sleep, and things in general have just been kind of blah in The Life Of Raquel lately. Boo.

The good news: Today I saw something that completely brightened (literally) up my day. A guy got onto the 86 bus today wearing THE ugliest, brightest, most aggressively attention whore-ish sneakers I have EVER seen. I spent forever on the New Balance website trying to find a picture of said shoes, unsuccessfully, but honestly, I don't even think that any picture could truly do justice to the yellow-ness, the mesh-ness, the be-drawstringed-ness, the utter absurdity of these shoes. They were gloriously, unabashedly hideous. The guy, by contrast, was a fairly average-looking dude: tall, decently handsome, dark hair, conservatively dressed in gray shorts and a black polo. But he was wearing these COMPLETELY INSANE shoes. They GLOWED when he walked. He CUT A SWATH OF FLUORESCENT YELLOW as he strolled, it being a humid and overcast day here in Beantown. In fact, I like to think that he took account of the gloomy weather as he got dressed this morning, thinking to himself, "Man, what a gray and disappointing morning... wait! I know! I'm going to wear my BRIGHT YELLOW SHOES. My feet are going to RADIATE LIGHT. Ha! Take that, crappy August weather."

I literally had the biggest smile on my face the whole way to work because of this guy's shoes. Thank you, Anonymous Yellow Shoe Guy. You are truly an inspiration.




[Reality check update: As it turned out, the guy actually got off the 86 at the New Balance factory in Brighton. He may, in fact, only have been wearing the shoes because it's his job to test new products, not because he awoke with the overwhelming urge to defy the weather with his passion for brightly colored footwear. On the other hand, it is fully possible that this gentleman is actually a product DESIGNER for New Balance. Thus, he could, in fact, be the fevered genius whose bold vision and devil-may-care attitude actually brought about the conceptualization, execution, and, finally, the wearing of those magnificent sneakers.

It boggles the mind. I must find this man. And marry him.]


Sox notes coming later... it's an exciting day for the Scarlet Hose!