LIVE GLOG of Red Sox Opening Day 2008: Japan!

I'm deeply concerned that the caption of this photo actually says something incredibly offensive in Japanese.

5:45 AM. I woke up 15 minutes ago. I'm still not quite sure why. The song my alarm clock selected for purposes of waking me up was "Say It Right" by Nelly Furtado. At the time, I remember thinking that this particular song was strangely appropriate to the point of humorous. I'm going to have to tell someone about this, I remember thinking. I have no idea why I thought that. I hauled ass out of my toasty warm apartment to go get coffee only to discover that my Starbucks was closed. Heathens. HEATHENS! I had to go to Dunkin Donuts instead, where the guy behind the counter looked as unimpressed by me as I was by him. Lord help me, this is turning into a Peter King column before I've even gotten started. I'm wearing a T-shirt my brother gave me in honor of the occasion that reads, "It's not over 'til the Big Papi swings." I am not wearing pants, because it's too FREAKING early for pants. Apparently, 5:30 AM makes me write like Ernest Hemingway.

5:52 AM. I have suddenly become convinced that this entire "Japan" game concept is simply the universe playing a colossal prank on me -- me! -- for the sole purpose of making me look like an ass, and that at 6:05 my TV is going to Rick Roll me or something. Aha, there's the proof: the analysts just tried to convince me that Scott Kazmir is going to win more than 15 games this season. Now I know this is all just a big joke.

6:09 AM. I am being forced to listen to Mike and Mike debate whether or not they care about this game. You know what, Mike and Mike? I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU.

6:19 AM. Where is the baseball?!

1st Inning. I am a moron, because the game here is being shown on NESN and not ESPN2. All my conspiracy theories have gone out the window. I come in late -- Dice-K is pitching to Jack Cust and appears to have already let up one run. Guess the Sox did nothing in the top of the inning. One on, one out. I wonder what they sell in the stands at Japanese ball stadiums. I have visions of shouting, "Hey, Sake Man!" Ooh, nice changeup. Yikes! A wild pitch will advance the runners -- 2 men in scoring position, and still only one out. This is less exhilarating than I would have hoped. Matsuzaka has now walked the bases loaded, and the 7th batter for Oakland is Bobby Crosby. I have to admit that I don't know much about the A's this year, as they got distinctly less interesting once they traded Haren and Swisher, but I have always thought that Bobby Crosby looks like kind of a douchebag. Matsuzaka is able to field a hit towards the third-base line and throw Crosby out at first, but a run scores. Finally, a strikeout, and we have an end to an 18-minute, 30-pitch half-inning.

2nd Inning: Mike Lowell is on base, and my fantasy team collects its first hit. My dad just called me to ask if I was in a bar. Give me a LITTLE credit, Dad. Joe Blanton, the current pitcher for the A's (I'm assuming that Rich Harden is in the hospital recovering from massive hemorrhage following a paper cut), has a truly bizarre delivery. Inning over on a double play. I'm not entirely convinced this was worth waking up for.

Oakland opens the bottom of the 2nd with yet another man on base. OK THAT WAS A STRIKE YOU DIPSHIT UMP. Travis Buck looks like the archetypal fratboy wankoff at some East Coast liberal arts school who all the girls assume is deep because he's from California and wears flip flips even when it's cold, man. I have decided to eschew all legitimate sports commentary in favor of poorly constructed ad hominem attacks on each of the A's in turn. I am the Rush Limbaugh of sports blogging. Hey, guess what I'm not doing right now? Facebook-stalking my ex-boyfriend's vacation pictures. Nope, definitely not wasting my time on that. Kurt Suzuki is holding on at 2nd with 2 outs as we are back to the top of the A's batting order with Mark Ellis. ANOTHER walk from Dice-K.

News on the Boston catcher front, courtesy of my NESN crawl: Dusty Brown has been optioned back down to AAA, and the Sox have purchased the contract of Kevin Cash. Cool, I guess.

ANOTHER GODDAMN WALK. WHAT IS GOING ON?! John Farrell is (finally) out to the mound. Something seems legitimately wrong with Matsuzaka's delivery. I've seen him rebound from situations like this before, though, and I remain optimistic (bases loaded 2 outs eeeeek). Strike one. Strike two. Julian Tavarez is warming up. Ball one with a high changeup. Foul tip. STRIKE THREE CALLED! Ellsbury, Lugo, and Pedroia are up.

3rd Inning: Ellsbury down, but Lugo sends a fastball up the middle for a single. Pedroia ALMOST hits a home run. Youk up with 2 down and 1 on. Apparently the "YOUUUUK!" cheer has reached international proportions. Youkilis beats out a hit to first and Ortiz is up with two men on. My T-shirt is happy. It's really been killer how great Manny and Papi have looked this spring. Eh, and on that, Ortiz is out at first.

Matsuzaka opens the inning with two down. Dude, he pulls this every time he starts. He'll be fine. Jack Hannahan sounds like the friend who would get killed in a movie about the Irish mafia, leading the main character to thirst for revenge. Oh, except now he's apparently the guy on first. Amazing jumping backhand grab by Lugo to end the inning. That will silence my "PUT IN JED LOWRIE" catcalls... for now.

4th Inning: Note that the Sox are actually outhitting the A's 4-2 even though we're losing 2-0. Manny is up. Manny will hit me a home run. Manny loves me. Nope, just kidding, he hates me and decides to fly out to Travis Buck (guhh) instead. I am going to take a loss by the Red Sox this morning as a personal affront. Manny looks great, by the way. Like in really good shape. Oh, Manny, I can't stay mad at you. Lowell flies out. Brandon Moss (who looks eerily like Bobby Kielty) is out at first. I think I need a shower.

FINALLY, a 1-2-3 inning from Dice-K. Shower time. Maybe that will make me feel less like a zombie.

6th Inning: Uh, it's now 3-2, Red Sox. I knew that was going to happen. It's been scientifically demonstrated that the Red Sox like to score the minute I leave the room. You can thank me for that later. Alan Embree and his giant wad of cheek mush are in for the A's, pitching to Varitek with 2 down and 1 on. Tek out on a foul tip into the catcher's mitt.

Kyle Snyder is in to pitch to Crosby, of whom I have become quite sick. What do we want to bet these people from New Hampshire being interviewed in the stands at the Tokyo Dome have never been to Europe? Also, I wonder if anyone in Oakland is even watching this game. Freaking Hannahan hits a 2-run home run off of Kyle Snyder. Well, that was over quick. Someone needs to teach Suzuki how to bunt. Rich Harden looks brooding and green-eyed in the dugout... mmm. Suzuki makes two down, and I'm going to have to leave in 10 minutes to go to work. UGH. Inning's over, and it's 4-2, Oakland.

7th Inning: Ellsbury is on, and then Lugo grounds into a double play. PUT IN JED LOWRIE.

Do they not have a Seventh Inning Stretch in Japan? Bwahaha I forgot Keith Foulke signed with Oakland. That makes me mildly more optimistic. PUT IN KEITH FOULKE! Snyder is out, at last, and I've got my fingers crossed hard that we'll see Okajima, which is making it really hard to get dressed and do my hair. Nope, just kidding, it's Javy Lopez. Who is cute. Yay. Out number 2. Lopez tosses a strikeout to end the inning. Heroics are coming up, most likely as soon as I leave to go to work.

I can't BELIEVE I have to leave right now. Someone call me if we score... please?


10th Inning: Oh man! I made it here just in time to catch Manny Ramirez knocking in Lugo and Ortiz with a double! Not quite as thrilling on MLB Gameday, perhaps, but hot DAMN. I was a fidgety mess on the T the entire way to work. 6-4, SAWX! Apparently it was Huston Street that let up those runs, that posturing pretty boy. He's out in favor of Lenny DiNardo, who I think was supposed to be in the A's starting rotation this year.

In case you're wondering what you (and I) missed, Brandon Moss (who the hell is Brandon Moss?) hit a game-tying home run in the top of the 9th. He spent most of last year in Pawtucket, but did play a couple of games in the Big Leagues... and looks to be off to a promising start this year. Moss actually scored in the 6th as well. Good for him.

Papelbon (obviously) is doing his thing for the Sox, and for my fantasy team as well. This was actually a pretty decent game, although I still resent MLB for making me endure it. Papelbon appears to be struggling to get outs, as Daric (is that really how he spells his name?) Barton walks. Jack Cust strikes out swinging, and we're two outs away from our FIRST victory of 2008 (and me getting a cup of coffee the size of a kiddie pool). Emil Brown is out at 3rd, but has knocked a run home. WHAT IS PAPELBON DOING?! 6-5, Sox. Smarmy-looking Bobby Crosby is up and singles on a line drive up the center. Now Hannahan (that spoiler) is up again. I'm already sick to death of this Oakland lineup. And, holy crap, Hannahan singles too, and there are 2 on with 2 down. Too bad no A's fans are awake to enjoy this. I bet Papelbon hasn't seen this many singles since the first taping of "Sox Appeal." (Ba-zing!) Kurt Suzuki is up. 2 balls (heh) from Papelbon. THANK GOD, Papelbon gets the out, and a whopping 9.00 ERA to start my fantasy season off right.

6-5, Red Sox! It wasn't pretty, but I'll take it. I'm just so happy there's real baseball on TV again, I could kiss someone.

Thanks for the handful of you checking in this morning. If you get a chance, the boys at Walkoff Walk double-teamed this game today as well, so check it out. And, with that, it's time to, uh, work. Sighhh...

2007 World Series, Game 1: Live Blog. Sort of.

Ok, so “live blog” is a bit of a misnomer here, since this is not being posted in any timely sort of way. The reasons for that will become apparent if you read on. I get points for trying… right?

Pregame shenanigans: You can see my apartment building in the opening aerial shots! Go me! John Williams, “the epitome of Boston culture” in the words of Joe Buck (I knew I could count on him to entertain me!), is conducting the national anthem. Annnnd the sickest thing EVER just happened, as the fighter jets just did their flyover and it actually made the dishes in my sink rattle. I am delirious with Red Sox fever. START THE GAME ALREADY. This is “baseball you can’t ignore,” according to some stupid car commercial. My goodness, that’s awfully aggressive. I love that the announcers deliberately refer to Boston as “pennant-winning,” but to Colorado only as “representing the National League,” as though maybe the NL managers got together and drew straws for it or something. Haha.

Ok, it’s 8:32 and there’s still no discernable baseball activity on my TV. AUGH. They’re playing that Soulja Boy song to introduce Josh Beckett… stellar. Superman them hoes, indeed. I think Beckett should take it upon himself to impregnate every female in Boston so we can all give birth to a race of powerful superbabies that will ensure the Red Sox championship wins in every season from 2032 to 2047. Eugenics is a beautiful thing.

First inning: FINALLY. Beckett opens with 3 scorching fastballs to Taveras. 4 pitches and he’s out for the first strikeout of the game. The announcers are making a big deal out of the fact that Denver is coming off an 8-day layoff. It’s not like they were sitting at home playing video games, for pete’s sake. They’ve been training aggressively and working out as a team. Enough with this. Second strikeout to Kaz Matsui, again on a fastball. And, holy crap, Holliday also goes down swinging in 3 pitches. I think I might already be pregnant. I need to go lie down.

Yaz introduces the batting order for the Red Sox, which is too cool to merit snarky commentary. Jeff Francis, the ruddy-cheeked lefty, also opens with a strike and OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS PEDROIA HAS JUST CLOBBERED A HOME RUN OVER THE GREEN MONSTER. I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE. I just lay on the floor hyperventilating for like 10 minutes. That was amazing. Ok, Kevin Youkilis is now on base, and Ortiz is… bunting?! Haha. I’d love to see Ortiz try and run down a bunt. Why on earth is Ortiz, who is notoriously dismissive of the value of the OBP statistic, bunting? Oh, Terry Francona, you crazy bitch. Ortiz is out at first, but Youkilis moves up. Dick’s Sporting Goods is sponsoring part of this game, and I’m definitely going to snicker every time the announcers say “Dick’s” for the rest of the night. Heh. Hehe.

Apparently, I’m supposed to care that Jeff Francis grew up playing street hockey in Canada (because that is what all good Canadians spend their childhood doing). He looks 15 years old tonight. I’m surprised at how far in Clint Hurdle has his infielders playing for this part of the lineup… and apparently that was a bad call, as Manny singles to bring Ortiz home. Jeff Francis just sent a text off his phone that reads “fuck manny singled brb.”

Ok, so I’m trying really hard not to get ornery tonight, but for the love I am SO SICK of hearing about how Colorado has won 21 of their last 22 games. Yes, that’s lovely, but THEY WERE ALL AGAINST NL TEAMS. Boston just took a series from the ballclub that tied them for best record in baseball, while the Rockies faced the perennial pushover Phillies (mmm… alliteration…) and the garbage-hurling Diamondbacks. Ooh, Brandon Webb. How scary. PLEASE. Let’s put this behind us already. Varitek is on base with a nice little hit, and J.D. “Grand Slam Bitches” Drew knocks Ramirez home. Fantastic. We’re already down to the 8th spot in the order as Julio Lugo steps to the plate. Forget good baseball. I want a blowout. The Rockies finally manage to get their third out of the inning, and will probably all go huddle in a prayer circle in the Dugout to plead for deliverance. Schadenfreude is coursing through my veins. Score: Boston 3, Colorado 0.

2nd inning: Beckett tosses another K to Helton, but Atkins gets on base with a double that juuuuuuuust misses clearing the Green Monster. Thank god for that big green wall. Beckett appears to be relying pretty exclusively on his fastball tonight, give or take a few sliders, which is interesting given that it was his terrifying curveball that proved so effective in the series with Cleveland. The fastball seems to be doing a pretty effective job of baffling the Rockies, though.

Guess I spoke too soon, as Troy Tulowitzki clobbers another ball off the Monster and Atkins crosses the plate. Pshh. I’m not worried. The Sox give Beckett ridiculous run support. Also, I love that the Rockies’ designated hitter is batting 9th. These silly Colorado bitches have no idea how to pad a lineup. The Red Sox are back up to bat as Francis takes the mound again. Francis’ hat appears to be developing a C.C. Sabathia-like crook to it. Must be a lefty thing. Fox is trying reeeeeeeeally hard to make the viewers care about Francis, as they are subjecting us to some stupid montage of his favorite things. Ho hum. Youkilis is walked, then HOME with some great base-running on a Big Papi double. Why on earth would you walk Manny Ramirez only to pitch to Mike Lowell, the team’s leading RBI scorer? The last time a pitcher did this, J.D. Drew hit a grand slam. Lowell’s out and the inning is over. Score: Boston 4, Colorado 1.

3rd inning: Beckett throws 3 balls to open the inning, but still gets the out. My roommate is asleep on the couch next to me… aww. It’s raining pretty hard at Fenway, but the grounds crew appears determined to keep the game going. Whatever… it’ll probably snow when we play in Denver. Another 1-2-3 inning for Beckett, and I’ve got to say that letting the Rockies bat at this point feels like a formality. My friends are texting me to get me to come to some bar. Hmm… HAHA Atkins just completely missed fielding a bunt right as the announcers were in the middle of another of those prepackaged spiels about how good Colorado’s defense is. Oh, the irony. Francis has gotten himself out of trouble, and I’m going to a bar. Toodles.

Innings 4-9 recap: Josh Beckett threw 7 strikeouts in the first 4 innings. I went to Lir, where my roommate and I briefly considered taking a shot every time the Red Sox scored. It’s a good thing we didn’t, because then the 5th inning happened. We decided to stop in at every bar on our block just to see if anything looked fun… went to Dillon’s and it was still the 5th inning, went to Cactus Club and it was still the 5th inning, went to Whiskey’s and it was STILL the 5th inning. 13-1, Boston when all was said and done. What a beautiful thing. We came home because the Back Bay is mind-numbingly boring on a Wednesday night, so I watched the rest of the game while eating chicken on my couch. A perfect night, if you ask me. Francona let Alex Cora play a little bit, and even Eric Gagne was finally released to pitch the 9th in a magnificent gesture of even-you-can’t-possibly-screw-this-up. The Red Sox emerged triumphant, and I jumped up and down in front of the TV screaming for about 20 minutes. Then I went to bed.

Hooray for live blogging! I should know better than to try this during a Red Sox game. Game 2 is tonight, and I will definitely NOT be live blogging it, since another bar down the street (yes, that is all we have in my neighborhood. Bars.) has dollar draft night on Thursdays. Wooo spring break and all that. Congrats on a stellar game 1, boys, but let’s not get cocky: The Mile High Stadium awaits us on Saturday. Let’s win again tonight – Curt Schilling (9-8, 3.87, 2.25 lifetime postseason ERA) takes the mound against Ubaldo Jimenez (4-4, 4.28, rookie, weird first name).

I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.

LIVE BLOG: NLCS Game 1, Colorado at Arizona

Ok, so this isn't REALLY a live blog, since I'm posting it after the game all at once rather than during the game. It's not like anyone checks this thing anyway, so I figure I'm good. But, for those of you who either a) missed the game or b) want to relive the glory that is 9 innings of mediocre NL baseball, please read on. Disclosure: I did go into this game rooting for Arizona, only because one of my closest friends (hi, Vik!) is a fan, and I want to be able to lord a World Series defeat over him.

And so, without further ado, I present: Rockies vs. Diamondbacks, God's Chosen Team vs. The Snakes, From the Mountains to the Desert: Game 1 of the 2007 NLCS.

1st Inning: Well, well, look who it is behind home plate: Tim McClellan, who, of course, is essentially responsible for the Rockies’ presence in this series, since it was his blatantly botched calling of Matt Holliday safe at home that allowed Colorado to score the game-winning run in their bizarre 1-game playoff-for-the-playoffs against San Diego. I bet Holliday high-fives him when he comes up to bat.

In case I was wondering, this broadcast is also available in Spanish simply by pressing the SAP button on my remote control. Good to know… whoa, that was quick. Brandon Webb just retired the side. Yeah, he’s decent, I guess. I forgot about NL pitching in all the brouhaha about Beckett/Sabathia/Schilling/Carmona. Honestly if I read one more headline or sports brief referring to Sabathia and Carmona as a “1-2 Punch,” I’m going to strangle myself. It’s like there’s only one sports copy writer in the entire continental U.S.

Bottom of the inning. Jeff Francis, a 26-year-old lefty with a solid 17-win season behind him, is pitching for Colorado. I really can’t take these Colorado uniforms seriously. The purple accents… the weird little vests… they look like dealers at the Trump Taj Mahal, not potential World Series champions. And, boom, Eric Byrnes has ripped a double down the third base line to bring in the first run of the game. The runner happens to be the oh-so-cute Stephen Drew, younger brother of J.D. Good for him. The inning ends, and it’s 1-0, D-Backs.

2nd Inning: I love it when Chip Caray calls the other announcers “fellas.” Webb is throwing a beauty of a breaking ball, but Todd Helton and Garrett Atkins both single. God, Arizona’s new logo is hideous. They are also sporting the same weird, aerodynamically vented batting helmets as Colorado. Basically, both teams’ uniforms SCREAM “expansion team.” Why do we even let the West play baseball? Uh oh, Webb has now loaded the bases, and it appears that the Rockies are taking a moment to meet in the conference room and discuss the launch of their new website… Whoops, nope, I’m actually watching tonight’s hour-long episode of “The Office.” Hopefully I won’t miss anything good.

Bottom of the inning and it’s now tied, 1-1. Thank god Ed Helms is finally getting some lines this season.

3rd Inning: It’s 4-1, Rockies. Guess I did miss something good. Also, Michael appears to have taken the pizza delivery boy hostage. Oh, the suspense…

5th Inning: That was a fantastic episode. Back to the game, and it’s still 4-1. Jeff Francis appears to have found his rhythm, and is displaying a Papelbon-like tendency to grab his nuts after every pitch. Did Justin Upton’s father just call his son fat in front of Craig Sager? Craig appears not to know whether to laugh or not.

There’s got to be a terrific anagram for Clint Hurdle. Thinking… thinking… wait, what is that ungodly noise? Is the stadium… rattling?! Oh, right, I guess this team is called The Diamondbacks and all that. Whatever. It’s still stupid. Stephen Drew works through a long, grueling at-bat, only to end the inning when he strikes out swinging. Ho-hum.

Got it! The anagram is “Linted Churl.” Now that I think of it, he does look kind of lint-y.

6th Inning: I’m pretty sure Chip just referred to Alyssa Milano as “our collegue.” Gahh. The D-Backs take the field again, and, now that I think about it, Justin Upton IS kinda chunky. Heh. Hehe. The rattling persists as Brad Hawpe reaches first, but is easily picked off to end the inning on what looks to be a trip over his own cleat. Brilliant. Glad that’s over, though, because I absolutely LOATHE the stupid 9-foot-lead graphic TBS insists on imposing under the base runners. What on earth is the point of this? Troy Tulowitzki and Kaz Matsui turn a spectacular double play, and the inning is over. There is no punishment worse than having to listen to Dane Cook talk about baseball.

7th Inning: Juan Cruz is in to pitch for Arizona, and while I remain firmly opposed to the first-base-lead graphic, I will admit that I LOVE the little flames that pop up on the pitch radar box whenever a pitcher throws 96 MPH or above. Yay! Cruz struggles a bit as Yorvit Torrealba walks, then reaches second on a wild pitch; he appears to be settling, though, as he strikes Willy Taveras out with a spectacular slider. Boom, there’s another great slider… “That was filthy,” chortles Bob Brenly. Gross.

Fun fact: Apparently, before he signed with the Mets, Kaz Matsui used to play for the Seibu Lions, which I’m pretty sure is the team that made Dice-K a star. [Fact check update: yes it is!] Matsui gets a single and then steals a base as Torrealba scores on a fielding error. Colorado appears determined to win this game without getting a single extra base hit. And now, Matt Holliday is up to bat, and we are subjected to some long-winded spiel about how he is the Ubermensch and all that blah-dee-blah. “The pride of Stillwater, Oklahoma.” God. Holliday walks, and it seems that will be it for poor Juan Cruz and his “filthy” sliders. Lefty Doug Slaten is in—he only needs to get one out to end the inning, and he delivers.

Arizona gets its first two men on base, and OH MY GOD. I HAVE IT. I found the ultimate anagram for Clint Hurdle, and kids, it’s DIRTY. In fact, I’m not even going to print it. Let’s just say that the first two words are “HE DRILL,” and those of you with a couple seconds to spare can figure out the rest on your own. Hahahahaha. I am amazing.

Wow. Fatty Upton has just plowed into Kaz Matsui while sliding into second base, and it appears the umps are going to call interference on him. Catcher Chris Snyder is still on base, but Arizona fans are PISSED OFF and booing the call hard. I love the awkward silence in the announcer booth whenever fans are being dicks. Now it appears that the Arizona fans are throwing garbage onto the field, since that always helps. More awkward silence. Clint Hurdle, he of the oh-so-anagrammable name, is making the decision to pull his team, and Bob Brenly breaks the awkward silence long enough to call the Arizona fans “knuckleheads.” That’ll show ‘em. Aaannnd cut to commercial.

Ok, we’re back now, but the Arizona fans still won’t shut up. Pinch runner Jeff Cirillo lays a perfect bunt down the third base line, and there are now runners at first and third, which will bring Jeff Francis out after 6 2/3 quality innings. The fans continue to boo rather than cheer for their own player who just reached base. Do I have any wine in the fridge?

Matt Herges is in for Colorado to face Chris Young, who is clearly swinging for a tater (anything less, and he’ll get booed) but ends up walking to load the bases. Francis looks concerned in the dugout, perhaps because he has just realized that he has no chin. Having failed to get the one out he was brought in for, Herges is pulled in favor of Jeremy Affeldt (best Dugout screen name EVER, incidentally). Stephen Drew comes to the plate, only to anticlimactically knock the first pitch he sees into the outfield for an easy out. Guess it runs in the family.

8th Inning: Thank god that inning is over. The new pitcher in for Arizona is a whopping 6’ 8”, plus he’s a fastballer so I get to see lots of flames on the upper right corner of my screen. I think I like this guy… wait, his name is Nippert?! Haha. It’s too easy. Nippert (heh) throws two 97-MPH-ers in a row and makes it look easy, then strikes Atkins out with a 98-MPH bullet. Boom, bitch. Tulowitzki reaches first, but no one else can hit the heat this guy is tossing, and the inning ends quickly.

Brian Fuentes is now in for Colorado. Eric Byrnes is called out on strikes, and the damn Arizona fans are booing again. Incidentally, I really hope that the Colorado bullpen gets shelled at some point during this series so that someone can run the headline, “ROCKIES HORROR PITCHER SHOW.” It’s funny, right? Oh, come on. It’s FUNNY. It’s… you know what? Fuck you. It’s still better than “1-2 Punch” for the 80 billionth time.

Aaannd another lackluster Arizona at-bat ends with a strikeout. My bed is looking good from here.

9th Inning: Tony Pena is in for Arizona. (No, I don’t know how to make my keyboard make the little squiggly thing over the N. Leave me alone, asshat.) Pena has a great breaking ball, but appears to be sticking to his fastball for now, which means more flames for me (yay!) and two called third strikes in a row for him. Whoops, there goes a third strikeout, and it’s Arizona’s last chance to overcome their 4-run deficit. Ok, D-Backs. I stuck around for you despite your obnoxious fans and that incessant rattling. Show me something.

Manny Corpas is in for Colorado. One out… two outs… and Miguel Montero actually manages to crank out a double but then MISSES THE BAG on the slide. An ignominious end to a dull and flying-garbage-filled game. I hate the NL West.

I can't wait for tonight. Highly doubtful that I'll be in live-blogging mode, but the action is all going down at 7 pm (right down the street from my apartment!) and I'm SO EXCITED I could pop. It's Josh Beckett and C. C. Sabathia, arguably the two best pitchers in the AL, as the ALCS gets underway at Fenway Park.

GO RED SOX!