The Celtics are headed to the playoffs!

Why do I feel like KG might be singing to the ball in this picture? Perhaps it's a still from the upcoming musical adaptation of the Celtics' 2008 season?

This surely doesn't come as surprising news -- I think everyone's been expecting to see the C's make it to the playoffs since before the season even started. But last night's 90-78 victory over Detroit sealed the deal, making the Celtics the first team in the NBA to earn a berth in this year's playoffs with a month and a half still left to play. Chauncy Billups was on Rajon Rondo like cheese on nachos and still couldn't hold him, as Rondo scored 16; Kevin Garnett contributed a season-high 31 points; Kendrick Perkins had 20 FREAKING BOARDS. It was a close game most of the way until the C's went on a 12-0 tear with around 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter and made it official. Well done, boys. This girl's proud of you.

Yeah, yeah. Western Conference ridiculously competitive stronger defense faster level of play more playoffs experience blah blah. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I had to come down at some point...

No, I actually haven't been able to blog for the past week or so. Not because I've been busy, but because every intelligent post I tried to write still wound up deteriorating within the first 2 minutes or so into something like this:

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BOSTON WON THE WORLD SERIES I AM HAVING 14,317 OF EACH PLAYER ON THE TEAM'S BABIES WE DID IT AGAIN BOSTON 4EVA

and so on in that fashion. And no one wants to read that. Nor do I particularly want to subject my loyal readers (Hi, Mom! Hi, Mike!) to repeated bludgeoning with the obvious fact of my superiority as a human being by virtue of being associated with a winning athletic organization. So, having given the World Series victory (!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!) a week or so to mature and pass from immediate consciousness to the pantheon of things I can tell my grandchildren about (and for my brain cells to emerge from the beer-soaked haze that was Games 2, 3, and 4), it is time to turn our attention elsewhere in the world of sports.



I finally caught my first Bruins game of the season on Thursday: an exciting 4-3 overtime win over Buffalo. I was disappointed that I didn't get to see Manny Fernandez goaltend... apparently he stepped on a puck at the end of a practice last week and twisted his ankle. Um, really? Tim Thomas made 27 saves and looked great, though, so good for him. Unfortunately, the other two Bruins games this weekend did not go as well, as we lost to Ottawa (wow, I just learned how to spell that) twice, including a loss in a shootout (which we still get points for because the NHL is weird) last night. The B's are now 7-5-1, which should surprise you only inasmuch as I bet you had no idea we were already that deep into the hockey season.



The Celtics, by contrast, are only 2 games into their season, but they've won both of them. Last night's OT victory against Toronto was actually a pretty exciting watch; however, no one in New England cared, since it was going on during "Superbowl XLI 1/2" or whatever ridiculous name you feel like dubbing last night's football showdown. Ray Allen hit a 3-pointer with 2.6 seconds left in overtime to give Boston the win, 98-95. On a somewhat less jubilant note, Doc Rivers was not on hand to coach the game, as his father passed away yesterday. No sarc here whatsoever: I hope the Doc is doing well.

I'm dying to talk about the Pats/Colts game, but dammit I'm supposed to be AVOIDING Masshole-ness. Guhh. In the name of humility, I should mention that BC golden boy Matt Ryan suffered his first loss of the season at the hands of Florida State this weekend. Sigh. Too bad Boston is such a pro sports town that this will barely register as a blip on the radar of the average local fan, sated with victory after sweet, sweet victory as said fan already is. I am never moving.

2007 World Series, Game 1: Live Blog. Sort of.

Ok, so “live blog” is a bit of a misnomer here, since this is not being posted in any timely sort of way. The reasons for that will become apparent if you read on. I get points for trying… right?

Pregame shenanigans: You can see my apartment building in the opening aerial shots! Go me! John Williams, “the epitome of Boston culture” in the words of Joe Buck (I knew I could count on him to entertain me!), is conducting the national anthem. Annnnd the sickest thing EVER just happened, as the fighter jets just did their flyover and it actually made the dishes in my sink rattle. I am delirious with Red Sox fever. START THE GAME ALREADY. This is “baseball you can’t ignore,” according to some stupid car commercial. My goodness, that’s awfully aggressive. I love that the announcers deliberately refer to Boston as “pennant-winning,” but to Colorado only as “representing the National League,” as though maybe the NL managers got together and drew straws for it or something. Haha.

Ok, it’s 8:32 and there’s still no discernable baseball activity on my TV. AUGH. They’re playing that Soulja Boy song to introduce Josh Beckett… stellar. Superman them hoes, indeed. I think Beckett should take it upon himself to impregnate every female in Boston so we can all give birth to a race of powerful superbabies that will ensure the Red Sox championship wins in every season from 2032 to 2047. Eugenics is a beautiful thing.

First inning: FINALLY. Beckett opens with 3 scorching fastballs to Taveras. 4 pitches and he’s out for the first strikeout of the game. The announcers are making a big deal out of the fact that Denver is coming off an 8-day layoff. It’s not like they were sitting at home playing video games, for pete’s sake. They’ve been training aggressively and working out as a team. Enough with this. Second strikeout to Kaz Matsui, again on a fastball. And, holy crap, Holliday also goes down swinging in 3 pitches. I think I might already be pregnant. I need to go lie down.

Yaz introduces the batting order for the Red Sox, which is too cool to merit snarky commentary. Jeff Francis, the ruddy-cheeked lefty, also opens with a strike and OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS PEDROIA HAS JUST CLOBBERED A HOME RUN OVER THE GREEN MONSTER. I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE. I just lay on the floor hyperventilating for like 10 minutes. That was amazing. Ok, Kevin Youkilis is now on base, and Ortiz is… bunting?! Haha. I’d love to see Ortiz try and run down a bunt. Why on earth is Ortiz, who is notoriously dismissive of the value of the OBP statistic, bunting? Oh, Terry Francona, you crazy bitch. Ortiz is out at first, but Youkilis moves up. Dick’s Sporting Goods is sponsoring part of this game, and I’m definitely going to snicker every time the announcers say “Dick’s” for the rest of the night. Heh. Hehe.

Apparently, I’m supposed to care that Jeff Francis grew up playing street hockey in Canada (because that is what all good Canadians spend their childhood doing). He looks 15 years old tonight. I’m surprised at how far in Clint Hurdle has his infielders playing for this part of the lineup… and apparently that was a bad call, as Manny singles to bring Ortiz home. Jeff Francis just sent a text off his phone that reads “fuck manny singled brb.”

Ok, so I’m trying really hard not to get ornery tonight, but for the love I am SO SICK of hearing about how Colorado has won 21 of their last 22 games. Yes, that’s lovely, but THEY WERE ALL AGAINST NL TEAMS. Boston just took a series from the ballclub that tied them for best record in baseball, while the Rockies faced the perennial pushover Phillies (mmm… alliteration…) and the garbage-hurling Diamondbacks. Ooh, Brandon Webb. How scary. PLEASE. Let’s put this behind us already. Varitek is on base with a nice little hit, and J.D. “Grand Slam Bitches” Drew knocks Ramirez home. Fantastic. We’re already down to the 8th spot in the order as Julio Lugo steps to the plate. Forget good baseball. I want a blowout. The Rockies finally manage to get their third out of the inning, and will probably all go huddle in a prayer circle in the Dugout to plead for deliverance. Schadenfreude is coursing through my veins. Score: Boston 3, Colorado 0.

2nd inning: Beckett tosses another K to Helton, but Atkins gets on base with a double that juuuuuuuust misses clearing the Green Monster. Thank god for that big green wall. Beckett appears to be relying pretty exclusively on his fastball tonight, give or take a few sliders, which is interesting given that it was his terrifying curveball that proved so effective in the series with Cleveland. The fastball seems to be doing a pretty effective job of baffling the Rockies, though.

Guess I spoke too soon, as Troy Tulowitzki clobbers another ball off the Monster and Atkins crosses the plate. Pshh. I’m not worried. The Sox give Beckett ridiculous run support. Also, I love that the Rockies’ designated hitter is batting 9th. These silly Colorado bitches have no idea how to pad a lineup. The Red Sox are back up to bat as Francis takes the mound again. Francis’ hat appears to be developing a C.C. Sabathia-like crook to it. Must be a lefty thing. Fox is trying reeeeeeeeally hard to make the viewers care about Francis, as they are subjecting us to some stupid montage of his favorite things. Ho hum. Youkilis is walked, then HOME with some great base-running on a Big Papi double. Why on earth would you walk Manny Ramirez only to pitch to Mike Lowell, the team’s leading RBI scorer? The last time a pitcher did this, J.D. Drew hit a grand slam. Lowell’s out and the inning is over. Score: Boston 4, Colorado 1.

3rd inning: Beckett throws 3 balls to open the inning, but still gets the out. My roommate is asleep on the couch next to me… aww. It’s raining pretty hard at Fenway, but the grounds crew appears determined to keep the game going. Whatever… it’ll probably snow when we play in Denver. Another 1-2-3 inning for Beckett, and I’ve got to say that letting the Rockies bat at this point feels like a formality. My friends are texting me to get me to come to some bar. Hmm… HAHA Atkins just completely missed fielding a bunt right as the announcers were in the middle of another of those prepackaged spiels about how good Colorado’s defense is. Oh, the irony. Francis has gotten himself out of trouble, and I’m going to a bar. Toodles.

Innings 4-9 recap: Josh Beckett threw 7 strikeouts in the first 4 innings. I went to Lir, where my roommate and I briefly considered taking a shot every time the Red Sox scored. It’s a good thing we didn’t, because then the 5th inning happened. We decided to stop in at every bar on our block just to see if anything looked fun… went to Dillon’s and it was still the 5th inning, went to Cactus Club and it was still the 5th inning, went to Whiskey’s and it was STILL the 5th inning. 13-1, Boston when all was said and done. What a beautiful thing. We came home because the Back Bay is mind-numbingly boring on a Wednesday night, so I watched the rest of the game while eating chicken on my couch. A perfect night, if you ask me. Francona let Alex Cora play a little bit, and even Eric Gagne was finally released to pitch the 9th in a magnificent gesture of even-you-can’t-possibly-screw-this-up. The Red Sox emerged triumphant, and I jumped up and down in front of the TV screaming for about 20 minutes. Then I went to bed.

Hooray for live blogging! I should know better than to try this during a Red Sox game. Game 2 is tonight, and I will definitely NOT be live blogging it, since another bar down the street (yes, that is all we have in my neighborhood. Bars.) has dollar draft night on Thursdays. Wooo spring break and all that. Congrats on a stellar game 1, boys, but let’s not get cocky: The Mile High Stadium awaits us on Saturday. Let’s win again tonight – Curt Schilling (9-8, 3.87, 2.25 lifetime postseason ERA) takes the mound against Ubaldo Jimenez (4-4, 4.28, rookie, weird first name).

I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.

Coming tonight... more "live blog" goodness!

Well. Despite my resolution to blog more regularly, somehow the time since Game 1 of the NLCS has escaped me. Getting mugged and having all your shit stolen will do that to you, I guess. Nevertheless, now that my beloved Sox are starting the final push towards the Series tonight, I'll be back in full form.

For the record, the reason I've been holding off on the football posts is that it's just too easy to be a Patriots fan right now. I feel guilty. Really, I do. I don't want to rub it in everybody's face how far, far superior our team is to theirs.

Anyway, tonight will be juicy. Wakefield out of the rotation. Beckett looking to avenge the loss the Rockies handed him earlier this year -- incidentally, the Rockies won the only series they played against the Sox this year 2-1. It was a home series, too. We have the never-ending debate over whether it's SOXTOBER, as local bars would have me believe, or ROCKTOBER, as the Rockies PR machine is insisting. Chuck Meriweather, who called home plate in the final game of the 2004 World Series (who won that year? I kind of forget...) is calling again tonight, but he is notoriously inconsistent with his strike zones. Joe Buck, who can always be counted on to use bizarre figurative language when describing home runs, is announcing. Ellsbury is starting in center field despite the fact that it was Coco Crisp who got the spectacular game-ending out in Game 7 of the ALCS. Maybe it's because Coco can't FREAKING hit with RISP. And, best of all, we have some idiot commentary from Troy Tulowitzki just to get you (by which I mean me) good and mad going into tonight:

One of the reporters asked "Tulo" if the Rockies might become "America's Team."
"I hope so," he said. "I welcome all of America to root for us and get
behind us."

Guhh. I'm so sick of the Rockies and their purple batting gloves. I hope we sweep them in four so I can go riot down the street on Sunday night.

The Patriots win the Superbowl

Um. Not to count my chickens or anything. But dear lord did the Pats look good last night. Coming off 2 ugly preseason losses, it was absolutely delightful to see them playing good football and embarrassing the hell out of the Panthers along the way. The offense was a tad wimpy at first, but had a turnaround about halfway through the 1st quarter when Belichick had them run it on a 4th down rather than going for the field goal, as if to say "ENOUGH MESSING AROUND YOU PANSIES." Immediately thereafter, the Pats pulled it together for a string of nice-looking 1st downs and ended up outscoring Carolina 24-7. Despite coming off what was undoubtedly a nerve-wracking couple of days, baby daddy Tom Brady threw some great passes and also let Maroney do that thing he does so well. Oh man, did I enjoy this game. And, despite Samuel continuing to hold out on contract nonsense and Moss' absence, last night really hammered home how many, many reasons there are to be excited about the Patriots this season.

1. Our linebacker crew. Holy crap. Teddy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, Rosevelt Colvin, and Adalius Thomas. Just writing those names all together gets me excited. These men are an unbreakable wall of defense. Just try and run one of your pretty little plays against us, Peyton.
2. Laurence Maroney's running game. Watching Maroney last night, it was clear that he is still getting used to his increased role due to the departure of Corey Dillon, the seasoned Pats veteran who taught Maroney much of what he knows. Over and over in the first quarter, we saw Maroney getting taken down at the line of scrimmage as he struggled to plow through Carolina's defense. But he did have some great runs earning a total of 58 yards, and it was thrilling to see how obviously he relishes being Tom Brady's go-to man on running plays. After several weeks of no-contact practice, he was ready to take the hits and run his game. He is going to have a spectacular season, no question.
3. All those options. Dante Stalworth caught some great passes last night, as did Reche Caldwell and Marcellus Rivers. Even Heath Evans mysteriously turned wide receiver on a play last night, running the ball a good 20 yards before he suddenly appeared to remember "hey, I'm a fullback" and decided to put his shoulder into a couple of players on his way down. Oh, and let's not forget Wes Welker, a recent acquisition from Miami, whose sure hands are a nice compliment to speedy WR Stalworth. When Brady finally decided to pick his head up and throw the ball, he had a plethora of options to connect with for some great plays. You'd expect there to be less of a passing game without Moss, and there was, but it was still clear that Moss will be only one more part of a controlled and efficient offense.
4. Still waiting to see what Brandon Meriweather can do. The Pats' first-round pick did an effective job of shutting down Carolina's corners last night, but he's yet to be in a situation where we can see why he earned that first-round status. And I'm sure we will.
5. Um, our quarterback is REALLY GOOD. Like, it's almost to obvious to be worth pointing out, but hot DAMN. Sometimes you forget that one of the things that has made New England the team of the decade is that we have such a clearheaded and accurate man running our offense. Brady's still got it, kids, and I am looking forward to see what he does with the Patriots this season, given the aforementioned awesomely good offense that he has to work with.

Other highlights of the game included: 22 New England first downs to the Panthers' 13; two sacks on Carolina, one from Vrabel and one from rookie Justin Rogers; Jake Delhomme looking like that guy at a bar who has really attractive friends, but is himself kind of awkward, so you get stuck wingmanning on him while your friends chat up his cute blond cohorts, but he buys you a drink so you feel obligated to let him think he has a chance with you; Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf's huge man-crush on Laurence Maroney; half a quarter's worth of solid play from backup QB Matt Cassel, who somehow manages to have even more impossibly chiseled features than Brady (and who played backup to both Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart at USC, making him officially "that guy"); repeated use of the word "Sackmeister." There's one more preseason game against the Giants left, and then the Pats take on the Jets at home on September 9 for the season kickoff. Yeah, that should go pretty well.

And there you have it: my completely unbiased critique of the 2007 Patriots. I'm already ordering my custom napkins for the Superbowl party.