New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down

Yes! I love when I get to make hipster music references and talk about sports in the same breath (note the title of this blog).

Some New York radio station is marketing these as a sure-fire way to ensure that the Patriots fold to the Giants in the Superbowl:






That creepy visage is none other than Brady baby mama/goalie-puller extraordinaire Bridget Moynahan. Wow. I guess we might as well call the game off at this point... clearly a bunch of clumsily-fashioned paper masks (I have visions of Giants fans somehow managing to cut themselves with those Crayola safety-blade scissors that preschoolers use) are the ticket to stopping the undefeated offensive juggernaut that is the 2007 New England Patriots. We have a winner, folks.

Didn't someone already try this with Jessica Simpson masks to bring down Babyface Romo? (Ah, crap... maybe there is something to this after all...)

Just kidding. If you'll excuse me, I have to go order the kegs for my Superbowl party -- one for during the game, one for the celebration afterwards.

Magnanimous in victory! Pfft nah just kidding

Yesterday was awesome.

David Garrard and his Jaguars put up a decent fight, but we prevailed. And thank god, too. It's been painfully obvious since we almost blew it against the Eagles in Week 12 that we have no defense to speak of -- sure, we'll turn a great play every now and again, but we're simply not a physical presence that can shut down a rushing play, and we're practically a nonentity inside the red zone. Our defense looked weak against Jacksonville and got scrappy and desperate as a result. I've never seen so many damn unnecessary roughness calls in my life. Plus, giving away an 88-yard scoring drive followed by a 95-yard one? That shouldn't happen.

Thank god for Moss and Welker. Ben Watson was clutch too. We might not have much of a defense, but holy CRAP no one has an offense like we do. And forget that old saw about the best offense being a good defense, because defense doesn't win Superbowls. Just ask Lovie Smith.

You know who DOES win Superbowls?

TOM FUCKING BRADY.

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My hand in marriage and a dowry consisting of several fine milk cows and a chest of hand-sewn linens to the gentleman (or lady; it's Massachusetts, so we can do that now) who can provide me with tickets to the game next week.

6-0

Yep.

I had to come down at some point...

No, I actually haven't been able to blog for the past week or so. Not because I've been busy, but because every intelligent post I tried to write still wound up deteriorating within the first 2 minutes or so into something like this:

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BOSTON WON THE WORLD SERIES I AM HAVING 14,317 OF EACH PLAYER ON THE TEAM'S BABIES WE DID IT AGAIN BOSTON 4EVA

and so on in that fashion. And no one wants to read that. Nor do I particularly want to subject my loyal readers (Hi, Mom! Hi, Mike!) to repeated bludgeoning with the obvious fact of my superiority as a human being by virtue of being associated with a winning athletic organization. So, having given the World Series victory (!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!) a week or so to mature and pass from immediate consciousness to the pantheon of things I can tell my grandchildren about (and for my brain cells to emerge from the beer-soaked haze that was Games 2, 3, and 4), it is time to turn our attention elsewhere in the world of sports.



I finally caught my first Bruins game of the season on Thursday: an exciting 4-3 overtime win over Buffalo. I was disappointed that I didn't get to see Manny Fernandez goaltend... apparently he stepped on a puck at the end of a practice last week and twisted his ankle. Um, really? Tim Thomas made 27 saves and looked great, though, so good for him. Unfortunately, the other two Bruins games this weekend did not go as well, as we lost to Ottawa (wow, I just learned how to spell that) twice, including a loss in a shootout (which we still get points for because the NHL is weird) last night. The B's are now 7-5-1, which should surprise you only inasmuch as I bet you had no idea we were already that deep into the hockey season.



The Celtics, by contrast, are only 2 games into their season, but they've won both of them. Last night's OT victory against Toronto was actually a pretty exciting watch; however, no one in New England cared, since it was going on during "Superbowl XLI 1/2" or whatever ridiculous name you feel like dubbing last night's football showdown. Ray Allen hit a 3-pointer with 2.6 seconds left in overtime to give Boston the win, 98-95. On a somewhat less jubilant note, Doc Rivers was not on hand to coach the game, as his father passed away yesterday. No sarc here whatsoever: I hope the Doc is doing well.

I'm dying to talk about the Pats/Colts game, but dammit I'm supposed to be AVOIDING Masshole-ness. Guhh. In the name of humility, I should mention that BC golden boy Matt Ryan suffered his first loss of the season at the hands of Florida State this weekend. Sigh. Too bad Boston is such a pro sports town that this will barely register as a blip on the radar of the average local fan, sated with victory after sweet, sweet victory as said fan already is. I am never moving.