Making up with hockey

So the Bruins are out of the postseason.

That’s the first time I’ve actually typed that. This is a step forward. It was a great series. It really was. I expressed cautious optimism. I got swept up in the momentum. I refused to get discouraged. In the end, though, I was left weeping sloppily in my apartment with my roommate sympathetically attempting to feed me rice as Montreal coasted off with the series win. Au revoir, fuckers.

However, we’re still in the thick of the Stanley Cup playoffs, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a thing like crippling depression or crushing disappointment keep me from enjoying the greatest month of the greatest sport in the world. BOOYAH. (Hey, and the Providence Bruins are leading their divisional playoffs series 2-0!)

That said, it’s time to pick sides among those who remain. My first loyalty obviously, inevitably goes to the San Jose Sharks, who cruised into the playoffs at the top of the Pacific Division with a whopping 108 points on the season. I get a little twinge every time I watch the Sharks play: god, I miss Joe Thornton. The Sharks are currently down 2 games to Dallas (GO BACK TO MINNESOTA YOU LAMEWADS) in the Conference semifinals, but I remain confident that my Joey will lead them into the Cup finals in a blaze of glory – or, at the very least, will pound the shit out of Steve Ott for being a dirty-hitting little rat. Observe:



Mmm. That goes down smooth.

My pick for the Eastern conference? Well, that’s a little embarrassing to admit. Obviously, I adore Sidney Crosby. This is not optional. If you love hockey, you love Crosby. People who whine about him taking dives and deliberately drawing calls don’t fucking know what they’re talking about. The kid is the purest incarnation of the sport we’ve seen since Wayne Gretsky. He’s obviously been coached to play cautiously and avoid the hit, since he’s a) the team captain, b) the strongest offensive player on the team, and c) an easy and obvious target for ice thugs. This isn’t football, kids. Crosby is god.

Speaking of ice thugs, though... you know who else I love?

SEAN AVERY.

Heh. I love Avery for the same reason I love Roger Clemens and Chad Johnson: he’s just such an unrepentant bastard. He loves playing the villain, and he does it gleefully and well. My favorite Avery moment ever came in an interview after the oh-so-contentious series with New Jersey, when the much put-upon Martin Brodeur (understandably, perhaps) refused to shake Avery’s hand following the final game. Avery’s response: “Everybody talks about how unclassy I am, and fatso over there forgot to shake my hand.” BAHAHA. I would totally go drinking with Sean Avery. I freaking love Sean Avery. So, here we go: LET’S GO RANGERS!

Is it a coincidence that both teams I’m pulling for have blown 3-0 game leads in the playoffs already? Ah, well. A Sharks/Rangers final series would be scrappy and entertaining as hell – and virtually guaranteed to go 7 games. Bring it on.

The Conference Semifinals: EIGHT TEAMS ENTER. FOUR TEAMS LEAVE.

Not so catchy?


(Avery picture unabashedly stolen from Melt Your Face Off)

Starting off with a bang!

The long-anticipated (by me, anyway) debut of Red Sox SS/3B prospect Jed Lowrie at Fenway Park last night was nothing short of dazzling. Yippee! First singling Jacoby Ellsbury home in the 5th and later knocking in two with bases loaded in the 7th, Lowrie was responsible for all three Boston RBIs on the board until a pinch-hitting Jason Varitek knocked in a solo homer in the 9th to give the Sox the lead. Final score: Boston 5, Cleveland 3, "Lowrie" shirts to be worn by female bartenders at Whiskeys and Cask & Flagon 87.

No, I did not just put in a claim for Lowrie on the waiver wire in one of my leagues. What kind of silly gal would I be if I did that?




Charity time! I will be doing the Walk for Hunger on Sunday, May 4. If you'd like to sponsor me as I walk 20 miles around the city of Boston and raise funds to feed hungry families in the area, please shoot me an email.

Congratulations, Evan!

Hotshot Tampa Bay rookie/my own personal anointed one Evan Longoria hit his first major league home run off Yankees reliever Brian Bruney at Tropicana Field last night. Nice job, Evan!


The run came in the 7th amidst a veritable flurry of homers -- BJ Upton and Carl Crawford also went yard -- and tied up the game at 7, which is pretty exciting given that the Rays had been down 7-2 heading into the 7th. Sadly, Robinson Cano being what he is, the Yanks went on to win the game 8-7 behind a classic 4-out Mariano Rivera save. I have to imagine that sending in Rivera to close at this point is like using up the last of a bottle of lotion, where you keep shaking it and shaking it trying to get the last little bit out, and your sister keeps asking, "Why didn't you just buy more?" and you keep saying "NO dammit I KNOW THERE'S STILL SOME LEFT," and enough comes out that you feel justified in not having gone out to buy more but secretly you know you were just being lazy because you didn't want to miss the first half of "Rock of Love."

SIGH.

Fun fact: Longoria has been dubbed "The Dirtbag" by the Rays Index because of his aggressive playing style and the mascot of his college baseball team: the Long Beach State Dirtbags. Somehow, it's not as catchy as, say, "The Ignitor" or "The Hoosier Thunderbolt," but I guess we can run with it.

BREAKING NEWS: Red Sox purchase SS Jed Lowrie's contract from Pawtucket!

Boston.com reports today that the Red Sox have called up shortstop prospect Jed Lowrie from the PawSox. Although not on the roster for tonight's game against the Yankees, Lowrie will be in the dugout wearing number 12.

The soon-to-be-24-year-old (his birthday is on April 17!) Lowrie honed his skills at Stanford (smart cookie!), was a first-round pick in 2005, and has played stints in Lowell, Portland, and Pawtucket. He's noted for his speed on the basepaths and his remarkable plate discipline -- a rare quality in a rookie. Scouts say he needs to work on his throwing accuracy, but he fields well and has good throwing power.

Awesome. I'm so sick of Julio Lugo I could puke. PUT IN JED LOWRIE!

Here come the D-Train!

I absolutely love when athletes turn out to have the exact same personalities that you imagined/hoped they would. To wit: Dontrelle Willis, who is exactly the same slightly arrogant yet goofy and adorable person I've always known he was. Here he is hanging out with Ryan Howard and David Wright on the set of their new Topps commercial. I saw Dontrelle pitch at Pro Player Stadium during his unreal 2004 season and it was awesome.

Oh, and if you need another reason to love the Dontrelle: He's a blogger.

Tampa Bay is the new Boston

I know, I know, I'm as surprised to hear it as you are. But if recent flare-ups during Spring Training games between the Devil Rays and the Yankees are any indication, the AL East could have a sexy new rivalry on its hands come Opening Day.

The brouhaha started yesterday, when Yankees catching prospect Francisco Cervelli's wrist was shattered during a home plate collision with Rays infielder Elliot Johnson. (Note that, just days before, Carl Crawford had plowed into Astros catcher Humberto Quintero at the plate in another game. It seems that the Rays' plan for domination this year consists of taking out members of every other team one by one. That may be their only chance at a playoffs run, anyway.) New Yanks skipper Joe Girardi called the hit "uncalled for," but insisted that retaliation would not be in his next game plan. Rays manager Joe Maddon, however, appeared nothing short of gleeful at the crash, saying, "I loved the hardball." [Ed. note: Didn't we all?]

Today's matchup between the two teams, however, saw the tension escalate to a new level, as a high inside pitch thrown by pinstriped pitching prospect (whee!) Heath Phillips at red-hot Tampa Bay outfield prospect Evan Longoria resulted in Phillips' ejection. Later, Yankee Shelley Duncan (god, I feel like I'm a high-schooler filling my BFFs in on the hot gossip from the weekend!!1! omg 4eva) made an over-aggressive slide into second base [Ed. note: a technique I'm all too familiar with] -- and that was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. The result: A bench-clearing brawl that ultimately saw 5 players tossed from the game.

Man, I'm exhausted just from typing and hyperlinking that. Here's hoping these two lame-ass teams wear one another out by fighting all season, leaving my Red Sox to cruise effortlessly to another division title.

Next week: will Nick Markakis' secret finally be revealed? Will Vernon Wells' evil twin show up in time to stop the wedding? Tune in to find out... this is All My AL East Children.

Oh, and one final note: Evan Longoria (see below) has officially been added to my List Of Athletes I Love. Any other Yankees bitches trying to take him out this season will have ME to answer to. Seriously, this kid is hot (although some disagree with me). He'll be the future of Tampa Bay, as long as we can keep him from starting some half-assed and honestly kind of creepy charity...

Gawd, he's so FRESHFACED and FULL OF PROMISE. Yowza!

Some straight-up Tim Thomas lovin'

That's right. 'Cause lord knows my boy needs it. Just days after being named NHL Second Star of the Week coming off 3 straight wins (including that glorious performance against the Thrashers), Thomas melted down in the net against the onslaught of Ovechkin and the Capitals; he actually got pulled TWICE from that game. Tonight was another rough night for Thomas, as my boy let up 5 goals in an 8-2 loss to the Maple Leafs (insert joke about Canadians not being able to spell here). Wahh!

This is truly sad -- not only for the Bruins' playoffs chase, but because Thomas has been such a joy to watch goaltend this season. His unconventional, highly aggressive style is nothing short of dazzling at times, and he always displays a charming, boyish giddiness in press conferences after games where he knows he's done well. I'm laying it all on the table, as I am wont to do: I love me some Tim Thomas. Now, some have suggested that the best thing for me to do as a pro-active Bruins fan would be for me to provide Thomas with, er, some womanly attention. To which I say: nay. My love for Tim Thomas exists on a far more transcendent level than that. Thus, Tim Thomas, I send you my undying love and devotion via this series of tubes that we call the Internet. I believe in your ability to lead us into the postseason in a blaze of glory. I BELIEVE IN YOU, Tim Thomas.

Now, all we need is a little more of this:


and a little less of this:

Something for the ladies

By which I mean me and Smurphette. Yowza. Look at that strapping Midwestern lad.


Don't worry, Rick. You'll always be my favorite.

A Valentine for Roger Clemens

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Dateless though I may be, it's been a pretty great V-day so far in that I finally managed to wake up and get myself to work after 3 days holed up on my sofa killing brain cells with a heady combination of Theraflu and daytime television. The world on the whole looks sunny and sparkly, and I'm sending lots of loverly wishes to everyone out there. In honor of the day, I encourage you to read Jean Teasdale's magnificent Valentine's column from a few years ago and have a nice, cynical laugh. As for my holiday plans, they include eating oranges and going to bed early. Woohoo.

One advantage to being home yesterday was that I got to watch the Roger Clemens hearing almost in its entirety. Honestly, I thought Roger came off pretty well until the end when Senator Ratface had to gavel him down. McNamee looked like a squirmy little liar to me. And yes, dammit, I'm biased. I've made no bones about the fact that I love Roger, and I am perfectly willing to take his claims of innocence at face value until I am presented with more conclusive evidence to the contrary. To call this whole steroids thing a witchhunt is to label it perfectly, as it seems the accused are left utterly without recourse to clear their names once they've been fingered. I detest a system so lacking in merit, and I refuse to buy into it. At the same time, I respect Andy Pettitte for his candor; the idea, though, that no response other than a full-on admittance of guilt is an acceptable one makes a mockery of our justice system. The purpose of the steroids investigation should be to foster a more honest major league baseball environment in which individuals are held accountable for their actions going forward, not to muddy and disgrace the great games and players of the past without sufficient evidentiary cause for doing so.


Roger Clemens, you get to be my valentine this year. You're my favorite athlete of all time, and even if no one else supports you, I do. I've always loved you, pinstripes or no, and I don't intend to quit now. Last month I stayed up until midnight one night to watch your 20-strikeout game against Seattle on NESN Classic. I knew what was going to happen on every pitch before you threw it, and I still clapped my hands and shrieked like a giddy schoolgirl for every fastball that went whiffing over the plate. You sure as hell weren't on steroids then; you were running on youthful adrenaline and blinding natural talent. You are an asshole, that's for sure, but history will attest to the fact that "men I love" and "assholes" are practically* concentric circles in the Venn diagram of my life. So there you have it, Roger. I choo-choo-choose you. Happy Valentine's Day.



* The exceptions, of course, being my dad and brother. Happy Valentine's Day, boys, and a big one to Mom and the little bug too!

LeBron James: Atomic Superman

It's not exactly news that LeBron James is really, really, nasty good at basketball. But holy crap, the man scored 51 points in an overtime win against Memphis last night. The game, which marks the 4th time in his already-illustrious career that LeBron has scored 50 or more in a game, included a 25-POINT 4TH QUARTER. Um, that's ridiculous.

He's really showing us what a man with a cannon in his chest can do!

Incidentally, over those 4 times that LeBron has scored 50 or more, Cleveland's record is only 2-2. What a freaking waste. It's got to be a frustrating feeling to score 50-something points in a game knowing that the rest of your lame team can't even get it together to help you win. Kind of like how Erik Bedard feels every time he pitches, I'll bet.

(sorry, John... I try to keep the Cleveland-hating to a minimum)

LOWELL SIGNED

In keeping with today's theme of Baseball Players Who Aren't Complete Jackasses, I am THRILLED to announce that, as of 1 pm today, Mike Lowell has accepted a 3-year contract for between $36 and $38 million to remain a member of the Boston Red Sox.

In other big trade news, the White Sox traded ace/fantasy team underachiever Jon Garland to the Angels for Orlando Cabrera, and Tom Glavine returned to Atlanta in an $8 million deal. My lovely roommate Laura will be thrilled.

The AL MVP will be announced at 2 pm, but I'll only be posting about that if the player who wins isn't, well, a complete jackass. So you probably won't see anything on here.




Update: I've been advised by a co-worker not to get excited, as Lowell hasn't actually inked the deal yet. Must... not... get... excited...

In praise of meaty quarterbacks

I'll admit: I was prepared for a dull weekend of football as my beloved Patriots took a well-deserved bye from whomping on the entire rest of the NFL. But, lo and behold, the gridiron rose to the occasion and offered up enough excitement to carry me through, ensconced as I was on my couch underneath my comforter and a pile of used Kleenex. Colds suck. However, I will say that being sick this weekend and having to spend my entire Saturday indoors enabled me to justify watching something like 9 consecutive hours of college football on Saturday. Hooray!

First came the unbelievable Illinois upset of previously undefeated Ohio State. I love good underdog wins, so I'd be excited, except for the fact that the guy I went on the WORST DATE EVER with this spring went to Illinois and I am now permanently biased against anyone affiliated with said university. Yes, this is the guy who was rude to the waitress in front of me, then snuck away later to give her his number, then asked me to take off my hat "so he could see if I was actually cute or not." Oh, and then told me I had terrible taste in movies because I hadn't seen "The Grudge." Oh, and was responsible for the following exchange, which happened at the very beginning of the date and pretty much set the tone for the rest of the evening:

Him: (orders two beers)
Me: (reaches out to take one) Thanks.
Him: Oh, these are both for me.
Me: (laughs, assuming he's kidding)
Him: (looks at me meaningfully, then sips slowly and deliberately from each of the two beers he's holding)
Me: Uh. Right. I'll just go ahead and order my own, then.

Yikes. Painful memories. Sorry, Illinois... you're on my shit list. Permanently.

Afterwards, I watched Florida State blow it in the 4th to lose to Virginia Tech, 40-21, then switched to BC vs. Maryland, which turned into the Eagles giving up another super-disappointing loss and everybody in Boston remembering why we never bother giving a crap about college sports outside of the Beanpot. Sorry, Matt Ryan.

I have to admit, though, that my attention was not focused on the BC game: on another field, miles away, my beloved Tim Tebow was having a career game in what is already a career season for the U of F sophomore.



The Gators rolled over South Carolina 51-31 as Tebow scored 5 rushing touchdowns (nice themed color emphasis there, eh?) and passed for 2 more for a total of 424 offensive yards. Dear lord in heaven. This kid is a beast. I think there may have been a few other players on the field for Florida, but you wouldn't know it; every time the Gators got within the 10-yard line, they pretty much had only one play in mind: let Tim Tebow run it in. I love this kid. I love watching him play. I love watching him drink from those little Gatorade cups with his big, hammy hands on the sideline. I hope he wins the Heisman for this year and every subsequent year, in perpetuity.


Speaking of quarterbacks I love, and transitioning seamlessly to pro football, HOORAY FOR REX GROSSMAN! It pained me so much to see my favorite (despite the incessant mocking I get) QB benched earlier this season, and nothing was sweeter than his spectacular 59-yard pass to Bernard Berrian with 3:11 left in the 4th to lift the Bears over the Raiders; the Bears would go on to win 17-6. I'm so happy. And so is Rex. Look at him smiling up there. Look how cute he is. Doesn't that make you happy?

Ahem. In other NFL news: the Colts LOST AGAIN, which I'm pretty sure was in some way caused by Randy Moss; Matt Hasselbeck looked decent on MNF; Adrian Peterson got hurt but will probably only miss one game; everyone trying to convince you that Cowboys-Giants would somehow be an interesting contest was proven wrong; Brett Favre remained successful in his season quest to prove he can still be a dominant QB as Packers fans remained completely batshit. (Yes, the story is old, but they're still batshit over there.)

Oh, and the Celts are 5-0 as of Saturday. Does winning 82 games sound like an unreasonable goal to anyone? It shouldn't.

Wow... I got through an entire post without mentioning baseball... wait! Crap! Does that count? Does mentioning that I didn't mention something count as a mention? Does mentioning that I mentioned not mentioning something, but without specifically mentioning it, count as mentioning, or mentioning a non-mention?

If you can explain that last sentence to me, you win half of a curried tuna sandwich. Or a packet of Splenda.

The Patriots win the Superbowl

Um. Not to count my chickens or anything. But dear lord did the Pats look good last night. Coming off 2 ugly preseason losses, it was absolutely delightful to see them playing good football and embarrassing the hell out of the Panthers along the way. The offense was a tad wimpy at first, but had a turnaround about halfway through the 1st quarter when Belichick had them run it on a 4th down rather than going for the field goal, as if to say "ENOUGH MESSING AROUND YOU PANSIES." Immediately thereafter, the Pats pulled it together for a string of nice-looking 1st downs and ended up outscoring Carolina 24-7. Despite coming off what was undoubtedly a nerve-wracking couple of days, baby daddy Tom Brady threw some great passes and also let Maroney do that thing he does so well. Oh man, did I enjoy this game. And, despite Samuel continuing to hold out on contract nonsense and Moss' absence, last night really hammered home how many, many reasons there are to be excited about the Patriots this season.

1. Our linebacker crew. Holy crap. Teddy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, Rosevelt Colvin, and Adalius Thomas. Just writing those names all together gets me excited. These men are an unbreakable wall of defense. Just try and run one of your pretty little plays against us, Peyton.
2. Laurence Maroney's running game. Watching Maroney last night, it was clear that he is still getting used to his increased role due to the departure of Corey Dillon, the seasoned Pats veteran who taught Maroney much of what he knows. Over and over in the first quarter, we saw Maroney getting taken down at the line of scrimmage as he struggled to plow through Carolina's defense. But he did have some great runs earning a total of 58 yards, and it was thrilling to see how obviously he relishes being Tom Brady's go-to man on running plays. After several weeks of no-contact practice, he was ready to take the hits and run his game. He is going to have a spectacular season, no question.
3. All those options. Dante Stalworth caught some great passes last night, as did Reche Caldwell and Marcellus Rivers. Even Heath Evans mysteriously turned wide receiver on a play last night, running the ball a good 20 yards before he suddenly appeared to remember "hey, I'm a fullback" and decided to put his shoulder into a couple of players on his way down. Oh, and let's not forget Wes Welker, a recent acquisition from Miami, whose sure hands are a nice compliment to speedy WR Stalworth. When Brady finally decided to pick his head up and throw the ball, he had a plethora of options to connect with for some great plays. You'd expect there to be less of a passing game without Moss, and there was, but it was still clear that Moss will be only one more part of a controlled and efficient offense.
4. Still waiting to see what Brandon Meriweather can do. The Pats' first-round pick did an effective job of shutting down Carolina's corners last night, but he's yet to be in a situation where we can see why he earned that first-round status. And I'm sure we will.
5. Um, our quarterback is REALLY GOOD. Like, it's almost to obvious to be worth pointing out, but hot DAMN. Sometimes you forget that one of the things that has made New England the team of the decade is that we have such a clearheaded and accurate man running our offense. Brady's still got it, kids, and I am looking forward to see what he does with the Patriots this season, given the aforementioned awesomely good offense that he has to work with.

Other highlights of the game included: 22 New England first downs to the Panthers' 13; two sacks on Carolina, one from Vrabel and one from rookie Justin Rogers; Jake Delhomme looking like that guy at a bar who has really attractive friends, but is himself kind of awkward, so you get stuck wingmanning on him while your friends chat up his cute blond cohorts, but he buys you a drink so you feel obligated to let him think he has a chance with you; Greg Gumbel and Dan Dierdorf's huge man-crush on Laurence Maroney; half a quarter's worth of solid play from backup QB Matt Cassel, who somehow manages to have even more impossibly chiseled features than Brady (and who played backup to both Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart at USC, making him officially "that guy"); repeated use of the word "Sackmeister." There's one more preseason game against the Giants left, and then the Pats take on the Jets at home on September 9 for the season kickoff. Yeah, that should go pretty well.

And there you have it: my completely unbiased critique of the 2007 Patriots. I'm already ordering my custom napkins for the Superbowl party.

Oh yeah!

So, it appears that Laurence Maroney (of Koolaid fame) will being seeing his first pre-season action tomorrow as the Pats head to Carolina (South? North? Who gives a crap?). In a little news item in the Patriots' website, Maroney chats about how this season will be different from his rookie season, and how it felt to finally take off his red no-hit jersey and start getting down and dirty in practice. Sigh... a guy nicknamed Koolaid... headline is "Maroney isn't seeing red anymore"... there's a joke there, I guess, but it's not that funny and I'm kind of lethargic right now. Disappointed, to, to learn that neither Asante Samuel nor Randy Moss has been at practice yet. But I'll be looking forward to seeing the always-entertaining Maroney play tomorrow. I'll be spending my time until then deciding whether or not I want to buy a Laurence Maroney bobblehead. (What? No rhinestone Koolaid pendant? Wtf is this?!)

Two Laurence Maroney-referencing posts in one day. Incredible.

I love college football

Every Day Should Be Saturday has a simply amazing entry up from yesterday: The Facebook entry of Marques "Grand Marques" (as billed by his own Facebook page) Slocum, defensive tackle for Michigan. Oh, this is even better than Laurence "Koolaid" Maroney's cryptic assertions that it's "bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka." Some highlights off a quiz that Marques filled out:

Do you have any pets, and if so what do you have?

i got a fuck lion now come fuck with me

When do you plan on getting married?

it don't matta cuz i hope my wife know ima be a playa 4 life

Get the number or give the number?

i would have 2 say bof

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?

what da fuck! i needs bof of my muthafuckin body parts

Do you eat cold cereal at night?

what da fuck is cold cereal


and my own personal favorite:


Where is Waldo?

i killed dat punk muthafucka he owed me money



I really don't even need to add any commentary to this. This guy sounds amazing. Please, please read the whole quiz over at EDSBS, because it's just too incredible for words. In fact, I'm going to Facebook friend him right now. Let's see if he accepts. And, now I'm more excited than ever for college football season to start. Michigan's season kicks off in just a little over a week against Appalachian State, and I literally cannot wait to see Mr. Slocum sack the everloving hell out of their unsuspecting quarterback. Oh, you can bet he'll be using his arms. Bof of them.

Apparently baseball is NOT on the list of things that Maryland does

Ouch. It's one thing to blow a 3-0 lead. It's another thing entirely to blow that lead and wind up surrendering 30 runs to the Texas Rangers in the highest-scoring game since 1897, when the Chicago Colts (who?) beat the Louisville Colonels (what?) 36-7. [Side note: I didn't even realize they PLAYED baseball in 1897. I thought all they did was twirl their enormous moustaches while saying things like "Consarn it" and voting for Grover Cleveland.*] But that, in fact, is what the hapless Orioles did at Camden Yards last night. Highlights included a 9-run 6th inning and a 10-run 8th in front of a stadium so empty you could hear the grass growing. This was only part 1 of a double-header, too. You'd think the Orioles would play like they had something to prove in Game 2, at least, but they still wound up dropping that one 9-7. Texas had a grand total of 92 at-bats last night. Dear god. If I played for the Orioles, I don't think I would be able to get out of bed today.


That smiling hottie, of course, is Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who went 4-6 in the clobbering last night, with 2 homers and 7 RBIs.

As for the Red Sox, apparently Dice-K didn't get the let's-give-this-one-to-the-Rays-just-to-be-nice memo that everyone else did, as the starter pitched a gem while his offense refused to give him any run support. What a waste. The Yanks finally figured out how to beat the Angels last night, so Boston's lead in the AL East slipped to 5 games. The Cards continued to stay in the fight for the NL Central title as Albert Pujols hit his 30th homer of the year in an 8-2 win over the Marlins.

Good lord. I still can't get over the box score in that Orioles game.







*Correction for the sake of historical accuracy: William McKinley was actually president in 1897. (Thanks, Google!) But Grover Cleveland sounds funnier. Because his name is Grover. He. Hehe.

Sexy Rexy is back in form

In one of the more anticipated (inasmuch as a preseason game can be anticipated, which is not very much) preseason matchups so far, Indianapolis squared off against Chicago in a rematch of last season's SuperBowl last night, with surprising results. Oh, wait: Nope, they weren't surprising at all. 3 fumbles (two of which were on snaps), an interception, and a sack? Yep, that's Rex Grossman, alright. Fortunately for the Bears (you know what I just realized? Cubs are baby Bears. How cute for Chicago!), the other Adrian Peterson scored on a 1-yard run in the 3rd quarter to give Chicago a 24-17 advantage, which Nick Novak followed up with a field goal shortly afterwards. Final score: Bears 27, Colts 24.

After the game, Grossman was his usual humble self, blaming the fumble snaps on the noisy stadium crowds (shh, dammit! I'm trying to play football here) and assuring Chicago fans, "I promise you it won't be a problem. It won't happen again." Sure thang, Rexy. Whatever you say. According to my handy-dandy QB rating calculator, his 9-for-11 pass completion coupled with those stats above result in a dismal 51.53 rating for this game. Really, when you think about it, there's nowhere to go but up from here.

I should be honest here, though: I actually like Rex Grossman quite a bit. He's entertaining as hell to watch, since he can always be counted on to a) throw a spectacular long pass for a TD or b) do something outlandishly boneheaded that results in a turnover, both of which are fun to see as long as you're not a Bears fan. Plus, I am endlessly amused by his cockiness. As a New England fan, I obviously adore Tom Brady, but he's just so damn likeable that I sometimes think it would be fun to have a QB that I could love to hate, rather than one who cuddles goats and has an infuriatingly adorable butt-chin.




And because no Rex Grossman-related post would be complete without a link to the greatest sports blog entry ever, here it is.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That's gay.

God, football season is so close I can taste it. Pats/Panthers on Friday? Bring it. SuperBowl 2004, beeyotches. [Somewhat tangential note: WHEN are they going to stop naming SuperBowls with Roman numerals? It takes me like 15 minutes to figure out what game they're talking about. (Rocky II + Rocky V = ... Rocky VII, Adrian's Revenge!) And I'm a freaking Ivy League grad. Surely a switch to Arabic numerals is in order... plus, the not-so-far-down-the-road SuperBowl L is just a really anticlimactic name for the 50th anniversary of The Greatest Single Sporting Event In The World. Let's let it go already.]

Fun football fact: As I was writing this, I got an email about season tickets to Princeton football. The cost: $25 for the season. Ha. Aha. Ahahahahahaha.