Ok, so “live blog” is a bit of a misnomer here, since this is not being posted in any timely sort of way. The reasons for that will become apparent if you read on. I get points for trying… right?
Pregame shenanigans: You can see my apartment building in the opening aerial shots! Go me! John Williams, “the epitome of Boston culture” in the words of Joe Buck (I knew I could count on him to entertain me!), is conducting the national anthem. Annnnd the sickest thing EVER just happened, as the fighter jets just did their flyover and it actually made the dishes in my sink rattle. I am delirious with Red Sox fever. START THE GAME ALREADY. This is “baseball you can’t ignore,” according to some stupid car commercial. My goodness, that’s awfully aggressive. I love that the announcers deliberately refer to Boston as “pennant-winning,” but to Colorado only as “representing the National League,” as though maybe the NL managers got together and drew straws for it or something. Haha.
Ok, it’s 8:32 and there’s still no discernable baseball activity on my TV. AUGH. They’re playing that Soulja Boy song to introduce Josh Beckett… stellar. Superman them hoes, indeed. I think Beckett should take it upon himself to impregnate every female in Boston so we can all give birth to a race of powerful superbabies that will ensure the Red Sox championship wins in every season from 2032 to 2047. Eugenics is a beautiful thing.
First inning: FINALLY. Beckett opens with 3 scorching fastballs to Taveras. 4 pitches and he’s out for the first strikeout of the game. The announcers are making a big deal out of the fact that Denver is coming off an 8-day layoff. It’s not like they were sitting at home playing video games, for pete’s sake. They’ve been training aggressively and working out as a team. Enough with this. Second strikeout to Kaz Matsui, again on a fastball. And, holy crap, Holliday also goes down swinging in 3 pitches. I think I might already be pregnant. I need to go lie down.
Yaz introduces the batting order for the Red Sox, which is too cool to merit snarky commentary. Jeff Francis, the ruddy-cheeked lefty, also opens with a strike and OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS PEDROIA HAS JUST CLOBBERED A HOME RUN OVER THE GREEN MONSTER. I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE. I just lay on the floor hyperventilating for like 10 minutes. That was amazing. Ok, Kevin Youkilis is now on base, and Ortiz is… bunting?! Haha. I’d love to see Ortiz try and run down a bunt. Why on earth is Ortiz, who is notoriously dismissive of the value of the OBP statistic, bunting? Oh, Terry Francona, you crazy bitch. Ortiz is out at first, but Youkilis moves up. Dick’s Sporting Goods is sponsoring part of this game, and I’m definitely going to snicker every time the announcers say “Dick’s” for the rest of the night. Heh. Hehe.
Apparently, I’m supposed to care that Jeff Francis grew up playing street hockey in Canada (because that is what all good Canadians spend their childhood doing). He looks 15 years old tonight. I’m surprised at how far in Clint Hurdle has his infielders playing for this part of the lineup… and apparently that was a bad call, as Manny singles to bring Ortiz home. Jeff Francis just sent a text off his phone that reads “fuck manny singled brb.”
Ok, so I’m trying really hard not to get ornery tonight, but for the love I am SO SICK of hearing about how Colorado has won 21 of their last 22 games. Yes, that’s lovely, but THEY WERE ALL AGAINST NL TEAMS. Boston just took a series from the ballclub that tied them for best record in baseball, while the Rockies faced the perennial pushover Phillies (mmm… alliteration…) and the garbage-hurling Diamondbacks. Ooh, Brandon Webb. How scary. PLEASE. Let’s put this behind us already. Varitek is on base with a nice little hit, and J.D. “Grand Slam Bitches” Drew knocks Ramirez home. Fantastic. We’re already down to the 8th spot in the order as Julio Lugo steps to the plate. Forget good baseball. I want a blowout. The Rockies finally manage to get their third out of the inning, and will probably all go huddle in a prayer circle in the Dugout to plead for deliverance. Schadenfreude is coursing through my veins. Score: Boston 3, Colorado 0.
2nd inning: Beckett tosses another K to Helton, but Atkins gets on base with a double that juuuuuuuust misses clearing the Green Monster. Thank god for that big green wall. Beckett appears to be relying pretty exclusively on his fastball tonight, give or take a few sliders, which is interesting given that it was his terrifying curveball that proved so effective in the series with Cleveland. The fastball seems to be doing a pretty effective job of baffling the Rockies, though.
Guess I spoke too soon, as Troy Tulowitzki clobbers another ball off the Monster and Atkins crosses the plate. Pshh. I’m not worried. The Sox give Beckett ridiculous run support. Also, I love that the Rockies’ designated hitter is batting 9th. These silly Colorado bitches have no idea how to pad a lineup. The Red Sox are back up to bat as Francis takes the mound again. Francis’ hat appears to be developing a C.C. Sabathia-like crook to it. Must be a lefty thing. Fox is trying reeeeeeeeally hard to make the viewers care about Francis, as they are subjecting us to some stupid montage of his favorite things. Ho hum. Youkilis is walked, then HOME with some great base-running on a Big Papi double. Why on earth would you walk Manny Ramirez only to pitch to Mike Lowell, the team’s leading RBI scorer? The last time a pitcher did this, J.D. Drew hit a grand slam. Lowell’s out and the inning is over. Score: Boston 4, Colorado 1.
3rd inning: Beckett throws 3 balls to open the inning, but still gets the out. My roommate is asleep on the couch next to me… aww. It’s raining pretty hard at Fenway, but the grounds crew appears determined to keep the game going. Whatever… it’ll probably snow when we play in Denver. Another 1-2-3 inning for Beckett, and I’ve got to say that letting the Rockies bat at this point feels like a formality. My friends are texting me to get me to come to some bar. Hmm… HAHA Atkins just completely missed fielding a bunt right as the announcers were in the middle of another of those prepackaged spiels about how good Colorado’s defense is. Oh, the irony. Francis has gotten himself out of trouble, and I’m going to a bar. Toodles.
Innings 4-9 recap: Josh Beckett threw 7 strikeouts in the first 4 innings. I went to Lir, where my roommate and I briefly considered taking a shot every time the Red Sox scored. It’s a good thing we didn’t, because then the 5th inning happened. We decided to stop in at every bar on our block just to see if anything looked fun… went to Dillon’s and it was still the 5th inning, went to Cactus Club and it was still the 5th inning, went to Whiskey’s and it was STILL the 5th inning. 13-1, Boston when all was said and done. What a beautiful thing. We came home because the Back Bay is mind-numbingly boring on a Wednesday night, so I watched the rest of the game while eating chicken on my couch. A perfect night, if you ask me. Francona let Alex Cora play a little bit, and even Eric Gagne was finally released to pitch the 9th in a magnificent gesture of even-you-can’t-possibly-screw-this-up. The Red Sox emerged triumphant, and I jumped up and down in front of the TV screaming for about 20 minutes. Then I went to bed.
Hooray for live blogging! I should know better than to try this during a Red Sox game. Game 2 is tonight, and I will definitely NOT be live blogging it, since another bar down the street (yes, that is all we have in my neighborhood. Bars.) has dollar draft night on Thursdays. Wooo spring break and all that. Congrats on a stellar game 1, boys, but let’s not get cocky: The Mile High Stadium awaits us on Saturday. Let’s win again tonight – Curt Schilling (9-8, 3.87, 2.25 lifetime postseason ERA) takes the mound against Ubaldo Jimenez (4-4, 4.28, rookie, weird first name).
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
Pregame shenanigans: You can see my apartment building in the opening aerial shots! Go me! John Williams, “the epitome of Boston culture” in the words of Joe Buck (I knew I could count on him to entertain me!), is conducting the national anthem. Annnnd the sickest thing EVER just happened, as the fighter jets just did their flyover and it actually made the dishes in my sink rattle. I am delirious with Red Sox fever. START THE GAME ALREADY. This is “baseball you can’t ignore,” according to some stupid car commercial. My goodness, that’s awfully aggressive. I love that the announcers deliberately refer to Boston as “pennant-winning,” but to Colorado only as “representing the National League,” as though maybe the NL managers got together and drew straws for it or something. Haha.
Ok, it’s 8:32 and there’s still no discernable baseball activity on my TV. AUGH. They’re playing that Soulja Boy song to introduce Josh Beckett… stellar. Superman them hoes, indeed. I think Beckett should take it upon himself to impregnate every female in Boston so we can all give birth to a race of powerful superbabies that will ensure the Red Sox championship wins in every season from 2032 to 2047. Eugenics is a beautiful thing.
First inning: FINALLY. Beckett opens with 3 scorching fastballs to Taveras. 4 pitches and he’s out for the first strikeout of the game. The announcers are making a big deal out of the fact that Denver is coming off an 8-day layoff. It’s not like they were sitting at home playing video games, for pete’s sake. They’ve been training aggressively and working out as a team. Enough with this. Second strikeout to Kaz Matsui, again on a fastball. And, holy crap, Holliday also goes down swinging in 3 pitches. I think I might already be pregnant. I need to go lie down.
Yaz introduces the batting order for the Red Sox, which is too cool to merit snarky commentary. Jeff Francis, the ruddy-cheeked lefty, also opens with a strike and OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS PEDROIA HAS JUST CLOBBERED A HOME RUN OVER THE GREEN MONSTER. I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE. I just lay on the floor hyperventilating for like 10 minutes. That was amazing. Ok, Kevin Youkilis is now on base, and Ortiz is… bunting?! Haha. I’d love to see Ortiz try and run down a bunt. Why on earth is Ortiz, who is notoriously dismissive of the value of the OBP statistic, bunting? Oh, Terry Francona, you crazy bitch. Ortiz is out at first, but Youkilis moves up. Dick’s Sporting Goods is sponsoring part of this game, and I’m definitely going to snicker every time the announcers say “Dick’s” for the rest of the night. Heh. Hehe.
Apparently, I’m supposed to care that Jeff Francis grew up playing street hockey in Canada (because that is what all good Canadians spend their childhood doing). He looks 15 years old tonight. I’m surprised at how far in Clint Hurdle has his infielders playing for this part of the lineup… and apparently that was a bad call, as Manny singles to bring Ortiz home. Jeff Francis just sent a text off his phone that reads “fuck manny singled brb.”
Ok, so I’m trying really hard not to get ornery tonight, but for the love I am SO SICK of hearing about how Colorado has won 21 of their last 22 games. Yes, that’s lovely, but THEY WERE ALL AGAINST NL TEAMS. Boston just took a series from the ballclub that tied them for best record in baseball, while the Rockies faced the perennial pushover Phillies (mmm… alliteration…) and the garbage-hurling Diamondbacks. Ooh, Brandon Webb. How scary. PLEASE. Let’s put this behind us already. Varitek is on base with a nice little hit, and J.D. “Grand Slam Bitches” Drew knocks Ramirez home. Fantastic. We’re already down to the 8th spot in the order as Julio Lugo steps to the plate. Forget good baseball. I want a blowout. The Rockies finally manage to get their third out of the inning, and will probably all go huddle in a prayer circle in the Dugout to plead for deliverance. Schadenfreude is coursing through my veins. Score: Boston 3, Colorado 0.
2nd inning: Beckett tosses another K to Helton, but Atkins gets on base with a double that juuuuuuuust misses clearing the Green Monster. Thank god for that big green wall. Beckett appears to be relying pretty exclusively on his fastball tonight, give or take a few sliders, which is interesting given that it was his terrifying curveball that proved so effective in the series with Cleveland. The fastball seems to be doing a pretty effective job of baffling the Rockies, though.
Guess I spoke too soon, as Troy Tulowitzki clobbers another ball off the Monster and Atkins crosses the plate. Pshh. I’m not worried. The Sox give Beckett ridiculous run support. Also, I love that the Rockies’ designated hitter is batting 9th. These silly Colorado bitches have no idea how to pad a lineup. The Red Sox are back up to bat as Francis takes the mound again. Francis’ hat appears to be developing a C.C. Sabathia-like crook to it. Must be a lefty thing. Fox is trying reeeeeeeeally hard to make the viewers care about Francis, as they are subjecting us to some stupid montage of his favorite things. Ho hum. Youkilis is walked, then HOME with some great base-running on a Big Papi double. Why on earth would you walk Manny Ramirez only to pitch to Mike Lowell, the team’s leading RBI scorer? The last time a pitcher did this, J.D. Drew hit a grand slam. Lowell’s out and the inning is over. Score: Boston 4, Colorado 1.
3rd inning: Beckett throws 3 balls to open the inning, but still gets the out. My roommate is asleep on the couch next to me… aww. It’s raining pretty hard at Fenway, but the grounds crew appears determined to keep the game going. Whatever… it’ll probably snow when we play in Denver. Another 1-2-3 inning for Beckett, and I’ve got to say that letting the Rockies bat at this point feels like a formality. My friends are texting me to get me to come to some bar. Hmm… HAHA Atkins just completely missed fielding a bunt right as the announcers were in the middle of another of those prepackaged spiels about how good Colorado’s defense is. Oh, the irony. Francis has gotten himself out of trouble, and I’m going to a bar. Toodles.
Innings 4-9 recap: Josh Beckett threw 7 strikeouts in the first 4 innings. I went to Lir, where my roommate and I briefly considered taking a shot every time the Red Sox scored. It’s a good thing we didn’t, because then the 5th inning happened. We decided to stop in at every bar on our block just to see if anything looked fun… went to Dillon’s and it was still the 5th inning, went to Cactus Club and it was still the 5th inning, went to Whiskey’s and it was STILL the 5th inning. 13-1, Boston when all was said and done. What a beautiful thing. We came home because the Back Bay is mind-numbingly boring on a Wednesday night, so I watched the rest of the game while eating chicken on my couch. A perfect night, if you ask me. Francona let Alex Cora play a little bit, and even Eric Gagne was finally released to pitch the 9th in a magnificent gesture of even-you-can’t-possibly-screw-this-up. The Red Sox emerged triumphant, and I jumped up and down in front of the TV screaming for about 20 minutes. Then I went to bed.
Hooray for live blogging! I should know better than to try this during a Red Sox game. Game 2 is tonight, and I will definitely NOT be live blogging it, since another bar down the street (yes, that is all we have in my neighborhood. Bars.) has dollar draft night on Thursdays. Wooo spring break and all that. Congrats on a stellar game 1, boys, but let’s not get cocky: The Mile High Stadium awaits us on Saturday. Let’s win again tonight – Curt Schilling (9-8, 3.87, 2.25 lifetime postseason ERA) takes the mound against Ubaldo Jimenez (4-4, 4.28, rookie, weird first name).
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
I will not count my chickens before they hatch.
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