Thursday, October 11, 2007

I sincerely hope this is true

Since I know nothing about anything that happens outside of the greater Boston area, I can only assume that New Zealand online tabloids are paragons of journalistic integrity and factual reporting. Thus, I am completely willing to take the following story at absolute face value:

A Kid Rock and Tommy Lee fight, huh? Does anybody else remember the episode of Drawn Together (please allow me to momentarily entertain the notion that I am not the only person in the universe who watched that show) where Captain Hero had to fight the Justice League, but decided to throw the fight so he could make money off it? But then it turned out the Justice League was also trying to throw the fight, so the fight wound up being a bunch of people standing around posturing and making snarling noises with their shirts off until everyone suddenly collapsed, unprovoked, onto the floor and started twitching? Cause I'm pretty sure that's what this fight would be like. These two guys are pussies. They spend more time on their hair and makeup each day than I do in a month. Plus, they'll both show up drunk. Kid Rock will try to smother Tommy Lee with one of his huge fur coats, and then Tommy Lee will probably hit him with his enormous dong or something, and then they'll both wind up crying and holding eachother while they babble shit like, "No, man, seriously, you and Pam were so good together, I always wanted us to be friends but I was so jealous of you, seriously, dude, there's no need for us to be fighting, let's be friends, man..."

Meanwhile, Pam will be watching on Pay-Per-View from her honeymoon suite with Rick Solomon, which, just to clarify, is the guy she married after she initially
whored herself out to him so he would pay her gambling debts. Oh, and the guy who made some sort of videotape, possibly explicit (I don't really recall), with a young woman I believe may have been heiress to some sort of hotel fortune. It's so hard to keep these things straight nowadays.

God, can we have a fight where two huge pissed-off dudes just beat the crap out of Rick Solomon for two hours? I'm pretty sure he doesn't deserve any better.

And yet, despite my disparaging remarks, I sincerely hope that the aforementioned rumor a) is true and b) comes to fruition as soon as possible.

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