Shelley Duncan's Miraculous Talking Eyeballs

At times, I write timely and topical pieces keeping you, my loyal readers (hi, Mom and Dad!), informed about important goings-on in the sports world. At other times, because I am an Ivy-League snot and a former English teacher, I make fun of other people's apparent inability to formulate coherent sentences.

Join me then, if you will, in a chortle at this gem of a mangled idiom from an ESPN.com article on New York's Shelley Duncan, who is currently appealing his 3-game suspension following his participation in a brawl with the Rays last week:

"To give Bob Watson and Major League Baseball a chance to hear the story from my eyes is pretty important to me," Duncan said, according to MLB.com.

Phenomenal, Shelley. Apparently your eyeballs can talk. Wouldn't it be fun, indeed, if all ballplayers' body parts could talk? What do we think Akinori Iwamura's meat-and-2-veg would be saying to Duncan's cleats in this picture?



I'm guessing something along the lines of, "YEAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOO!"