Friday, April 4, 2008

Remember Scott Hatteberg?

Sure you do. He was a Red Sox catcher back in the late 90s, and is a member of the elite squad of People Who Can Catch Tim Wakefield's Knuckleballs. Hatteberg pre-dated Doug Mirabelli, of course, who was hot and heavy with Wakefield until the Sox got fed up with his .206 batting average and unceremoniously dumped him in the offseason this year.

Anyhoo, I mention Hatteberg in order to transition (seamlessly and effortlessly) into an introduction of Kevin Cash, the catcher who will be starting behind the plate as Wakefield takes the mound in Toronto tonight.

And guess what? He sucks at offense too. His CAREER BATTING AVERAGE (granted, only about 100 or so major-league games, but still) is .167. Really? We jettisoned Mirabelli for this? Still, Cash had a pretty sweet totally bullshit, given that the left field wall was practically on the third base line, home run in an exhibition game against the Dodgers last weekend. Good for him.

Poor Josh Bard. It's got to suck to be a talented prospect for a World Series-winning team and know that your only shot at ever playing is contingent upon learning how to catch some goofy pitch. If this were a movie, a magic talking goat or something would teach him how to catch knuckleballs just in time for the big game, and we'd all learn a valuable lesson about being true to who you are and always following your dreams. But because this is the real world, instead his ass gets shipped to the Padres and we end up with some dummy who'll be flirting with the Mendoza line all season.


smurphette said...

I don't mind your boy hitting so well against us, but could you get him to lay off the RBI, please? Now that I've had a taste of winning, I find that losing sucks a lot more :)

The Sports Hernia said...

Billy Beane and Michael Lewis would have appreciated more praise for Hatteberg in this post.