Spring Training games, Day 2: Update!

Nah, this picture's not from yesterday, but I don't care. And neither should you.

It's Day 3 of the Spring Training games! Here's a look at yesterday's games:

• Braves v. Dodgers: Given the opportunity, would you kick Jason Schmidt in the nuts? In a recent survey, a whopping 85% of Dodgers fans replied that yes, yes they would. The remaining 15% also expressed a desire to kick Jason Schmidt in the nuts, but added that they would like to be screaming "Give us back our money you chubby hack!" while doing so. Well, the answer to that question surely hasn't changed, as Schmidt apparently threw 53 pitches in a workout and spent the rest of the afternoon whining about it. Maybe Alyssa Milano can cheer him up. This game played out just as you would expect a dull game between two mediocre NL teams to. Dodgers won, and Andruw Jones scored even though he is fat. 5-4, Los Angeles.

• Marlins v. Orioles: Which of these two supposed "youth movements" is less likely to result in gross humiliation this season? Uh, I'm going to have to go with Florida on that one, as the Orioles got completely shelled yesterday. Hanley Ramirez stole two bases because he is amazing. Could it be that Tampa Bay might actually NOT finish dead last in the AL East this year? Eh, who cares. At least the Orioles' bullpen only gave up 16 runs, and not 30. 16-3, Florida.

• Astros v. Indians: I mean, I guess we could ask whether or not the Indians look as primed for success as they did last season. But I think the question everyone's REALLY concerned with is this: Are Grady Sizemore's features still as boyishly handsome as ever? The Tribe was mostly concerned with giving their prospects a chance to demonstrate what they can do offensively yesterday, and the up-and-comers delivered in stellar fashion. Grady still looks great, though. Today's game should actually be more exciting, as Paul Byrd and Roy Oswalt square off. 12-2, Cleveland.

• Mets v. Cardinals: Can the underdog Cards rally to hold off the Mets in the wake of the Scott Spiezio scandal? (And does Spiezio really need all those vowels in his name?) Will the Cards actually have someone to put on the mound come opening day? Will Tony LaRussa's plan to bat the pitcher 8th be in any way effective? How many home runs will Rick Ankiel hit and then subsequently dedicate to me? SO MANY QUESTIONS! Well slap me silly, 'cause the Cards' pitching actually looked pretty decent yesterday as they shut out the Mets. David Wright almost ruined the shutout with a run-scoring double in the 2nd, but my darling Rick was there to rob him of the hit and save the day. 7-0, St. Louis. From the Post-Dispatch:

JUPITER, Fla. -- The words Cards outfielder Chris Duncan settled on as the best way to describe it were: "pretty sick."

In the first inning of Thursday's spring opener, Rick Ankiel sprinted to catch a deep fly ball to left-center hit by Mets third baseman David Wright.

Ankiel dove and snared the ball with a shoestring catch. When he thudded on the warning track, the ball popped out of his glove and he snatched it again to secure the out.

"Might have changed the game," manager Tony La Russa said.

• Pirates v. Phillies: Um, how much does it suck being from Pennsylvania? Unless you're Amish, of course. They get away with everything. The Phillies irritate me for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, so I enjoyed reading that the hapless Pirates were able to stomp all over their Eastern Pennsylvania counterparts. Ryan Howard homered, but so did Adam LaRoche (the sleeper pick in every fantasy draft; a truly underrated player). 11-6, Pittsburgh.

• Blue Jays v. Tigers: Roy Halladay: miraculous granter of childhood wishes, or bucket-defouling jerk? Once again, my boy Magglio, along with Curtis Granderson, was the star of the game. Of the Jays' pitchers, Chacin looked the best. I know it's early, but it already seems pretty clear that Detroit is the team to beat in the AL this year. No word on Halladay... yet. 4-1, Detroit.

• White Sox v. Rockies: Do Clint Hurdle and Ozzie Guillen hate one another? I feel like they must. Heh. The Rockies' pitching got shelled last night. Nick Swisher and Jose Contreras both looked great. I actually think the White Sox are going to be a decent team this year -- too bad they're stuck in a division with the Tigers. 12-3, Chicago.

• Cubs v. Giants: If the Giants play a baseball game without Barry Bonds, does the media even bother to show up? Yes, but that sure doesn't guarantee anything else for the Giants. Kosuke got plunked on his first plate appearance of the preseason and reached base on both of his other at-bats as well, so this looks pretty promising for the Cubs. Ryan Dempster was also in decent form last night. I'd say it was a good day to be from Chicago, regardless of who your baseball team is; maybe this will help you forget about your dismal QB situation. 12-6, Chicago.

• Rockies v. Diamondbacks: Why does this sound familiar? Yup, this game was just as dull as its October predecessor, ending in a tie. The Rockies sure aren't looking much like the team everyone was waxing poetic about last fall. Maybe they can whine about how they had too much downtime, and that's affecting their performance or something. 5-5, nobody.

• Athletics v. Brewers: Will Billy Beane's offseason fire sale pay off despite the fact that the A's are officially 65% less entertaining without Nick Swisher? I mean... you can't really expect a gutted AL West team to look too good against the likes of Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun. For the record, I like the Brewers to win the NL Central this year. Maybe Eric Gagne will even help a little. 7-1, Brewers.

• Rangers v. Angels: Seriously, how nasty is Vlad? Torii Hunter and Gary Matthews Jr. were actually the offensive leaders yesterday, but I'm pretty sure Vlad is still nasty. Kason Gabbard struck out 3 over 2 innings for Texas. The game ended in a tie. 3-3, nobody.

Note: I inadvertently left off the Reds-Twins game yesterday. Two crappy central-division teams. Eh. Cincinnati won, 6-1. I have at least one reader whom this will make happy.



RED SOX SPRING TRAINING OPENER VS. THE TWINS TODAY. I'm not sure I'll have time to do my little preview of all the games today, but Johan Santana is pitching for the Mets for the first time today. That should be exciting. As for me, I'll be glued to my TV from 7 pm onwards. GO SOX!

A sight for sore eyes

Mmm. There we go. All better now.

Here's my beloved signing autographs and flashing his sexiest smile at the Cardinals' Winter Warm-up... and reminding me not to despair, because (as the lovely Smurphette also pointed out) pitchers and catchers report for spring training in exactly 10 days, 13 hours, 18 minutes, and 34 seconds. (33... 32... 31...) The long, bleak stretch between the NFL and MLB seasons is upon us, but at least sexy Rick's smile will help pull me through.

Also, the Beanpot is on. BC and BU are tied 3-3 with 2:28 left in the third period... what a game! (Harvard beat Northeastern earlier, but both of those teams are significantly less dominant, so whoever wins this BC/BU game will most likely take the tournament in the finals next Monday.) Not gonna lie, I love me some BU hockey, so go Terriers! True story: my brother and I went to the first game at the new Agannis Arena when it opened (BU/UNH), and Mike FREAKING Eruzione was in front of me in line to get food. Pretty sweet.

Thank god for good, local college hockey right now, because I absolutely can't flip to any national sports channels. NESN pretty much makes a business of ignoring the football season entirely, so I'm safe as long as I stay here (and keep browsing the MLB.com photo galleries. Chris Carpenter's new facial hair? Dig it).

Update: BC wound up winning 4-3 in overtime. This is the first time in 14 years that BU hasn't appeared in the Beanpot finals, and will also be the first time this BC senior class has been to the Beanpot, so that's fun for them.

Something to take Atlanta's mind off that nasty dog-fighting business

Mark Teixeira banged out two home runs last night in the Braves' 14-4 victory over the Reds. In the 18 games Teixeira has played in since he arrived in Atlanta on the eve of the non-waiver trade deadline, he has hit 9 homers (according to my awesome powers of mathematical reasoning, that's a homer every 2 games. Holy crap. That's also just two home runs fewer than Coco Crisp and J.D. Drew have hit COMBINED, THIS ENTIRE SEASON. Hooray for the Boston outfield... and thank god for Manny Ramirez.) and 25 RBIs. Well done on that trade, Braves. Well done, indeed.

Tim Wakefield continued his dominance of the Devil Rays last night, tossing 7 shutout innings as the Red Sox cruised to a 6-0 victory at Tropicana Field. It's rare that I would describe a knuckleballer as "dominant," but I guess a 9-0 season record against a franchise merits that term. Plus, if any team is going to be dominated by a knuckleball, it's going to be Tampa Bay. They'd be dominated by a drunk baby throwing a tennis ball. (Which, now that I think about it, sounds awesome. Let get some toddlers sauced up and see what they can do.*) So there you have it... and in his quiet, unassuming way, Wakefield scooped up his 15 victory of the season to put him in a tie for most wins in the league with the Braves' Tim Hudson (also a winner last night), the Angels' John Lackey, and, OF COURSE, Boston's beloved Josh Beckett. Booyah.

While all this was going on, some jackoff in pinstripes hit his league-leading 40th home run of the season, but still didn't manage to help his team beat the Angels; Milwaukee's (Best) Prince Fielder answered with his 39th homer as the Brewers took command of the hotly contested #1 spot in the NL Central. And, for now, Jim Barr's 1972 record of 41 consecutive retired batters remains unbroken, as Bobby Jenks gave up a single to Kansas City's Joey Gathright in the 9th. Jenks still managed to get the save, however, and the White Sox eked out a win. Only 13.5 games out of first, guys! And finally (/most excitingly), Rick Ankiel cranked out his 4th homer since his triumphant return to the Cardinals to help his team beat the Cubbies 6-4. In another game highlight, Ankiel threw a bullet from left field to keep Ryan Theriot from scoring a triple. Damn, what an arm that kid has... maybe he should be a pitcher! Wait... OH GOD NO... *starts foaming at the mouth* WHAT HAVE I SAID!

(where are my babies, where did I put my babies)

A little football, a little baseball. Something for everyone today.






*Disclaimer: I do not actually endorse babies getting drunk. Babies make mean drunks. Take it from someone who knows.

Mmm. Rick.

So let's get one thing straight: I do not like, nor do I in any way generally endorse the reading of, the Boston Herald. I hate its snarky headlines. I loathe its self-congratulatory columnists. I despise the way it fawns over local politicians with mob ties. I don't like the Boston Globe, either, to be honest, but I really REALLY don't like the Herald. In general. However, I will say this: The Herald has great sports coverage. Much better than the Globe. (And, since it's tabloid format, you can always just flip to the back right away to see the sports section.) Today, there was an absolutely fantastic piece on none other than my Betrothed, Rick Ankiel himself:


http://news.bostonherald.com/editorial/view.bg?articleid=1017596



I love the reference to The Natural, which is a) a really obvious parallel and b) one of my FAVORITE movies. And, mostly, I just love to see my darling Rick getting good press. So read, and enjoy. Could Rick's incredible return be just in the nick of time (or maybe... the Rick of time? I hate myself.) to propel the Cards to the top of the NL Central? Only time will tell.

HOLY CRAP HOW DID I MISS THIS

Oh my god. It's finally happened. And I was AWAY when it happened and I MISSED it until I finally, finally finished washing all the bug spray out of my clothes and detangling my hair, and sat down to catch up on my sports reading.

RICK ANKIEL IS BACK IN THE MAJORS.




As an outfielder. Oh man. In fact, on Saturday he hit TWO home runs. This is like a movie. Like a dream come true. I literally cannot come up with anything insightful or even a little bit snarky to say about this. Just... oh man. Rick Ankiel, baby. They are going to make a movie out of this man's life. And I am going to buy it and watch it 3 times withing 48 hours of doing so, just like I may or may not have done with Dreamgirls. Long live Rick Ankiel.

I will most likely write more on this later. Right now, I just need to sit and think happy thoughts.

I'm gonna make you girls a Hump Day treat!

Courtesy of Sandeep:



http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/01/dining/01drun.html?pagewanted=3&8dpc&_r=1



Something to aspire to as you head out for various Wednesday-is-the-new-Thursday-is-the-new-Friday festivities, anyway. My new life's ambition is to swim in the pool of the Four Seasons NYC restaurant.







Also, for my (not your) enjoyment: Things You Learn Riding the T.

1. Trot Nixon still plays for the Red Sox. At least, that's what all the fat, sweaty, drunk bald men riding to Kenmore for the game would have you believe, since ALL of them, to a man, still wear their Nixon jerseys with bloated pride. (The only exception: occasionally, you may see one in a Varitek jersey.) Seriously, guys: It's time to let it go. I, like you, will always hold a special spot in my heart for any member of the 2005 Red Sox. But you don't see me wearing a damn Pedro Martinez jersey to games.


2. Every guy in Boston is too short for me. I don't understand how this continues to be true. I'm only 5'9", for crying out loud. And yet, everywhere I look: short men. And the tall ones are all 19-year-old BC students. This, to me, is the definition of modern tragedy.


3. Only people with really cool hair should own iPods, at least according to the new Apple ad campaigns.


4. Still got it: no matter what I do, I persist in looking really, really unfriendly. Those of you who haven't heard me rant about this before should know that I have an uncanny ability to frighten people away from sitting next to me on the T. The seat next to me can be the only seat open, with like 10 people already standing in the car, and NO ONE will sit next to me. Yesterday, I actually overheard two guys (they thought I couldn't hear, because I had my iPod on [despite the fact that I don't have cool hair], but I DID hear them) who had just gotten on have the following exchange: Guy 1: "Look, there's a seat over there." Guy 2 [looks at the seat, then looks at me]: "Nah, I'll just stand." Wow. I wasn't even WEARING my Bitchy McBitch sunglasses! I've been told time and again that I just give off this vibe of Really Intimidating, and I don't understand it. Maybe I should start carrying around one of those big old-fashioned lollipops, or a puppy or a baby.

You can learn lots of things riding the T. Maybe I'll keep this going. In other news, everyone loses to the Orioles on occasion, and the Sox front office still haven't come out and announced who the Player-To-Be-Named-Later in the Joel Piniero deal is. So I can still hope. And here, without further ado, is the cover to the Memphis Redbirds comic book I was squawking about yesterday. (Hooray for Deadspin!) Rick is kind of hidden in the back, signing autographs and looking sexy. Comic books are fun!

And because I'm feeling kind of rant-y (no Splenda in the break room!), here's a quick entry from the Hate List: People who go to the gym and fucking WALK on the treadmills. While holding on to the handles. I just don't understand it! I guess I'm exposed to more of this since I belong to a chicks-only gym, which, while eliminating the sweaty-guy-breathing-down-your-neck-while-you-use-the-weight-machines factor, definitely ups the wuss factor. I just think, if you're going to spend all that money on a gym membership, that you should get a damn WORKOUT in when you go! Walking on a flat surface while watching "VH1's 100 Best Bodies" (a.k.a. The List Where Terrell Owens Beats Out Heather Graham, But Loses To Ashley Judd) is not a workout. Walking to the grocery store would serve you better. But you'd probably just buy ice cream and cookies, wouldn't you, fatass?

[Note: maybe this is why people don't sit next to me on the T.]

Trade update

Eek! It appears that things are getting close on a deal for Eric Gagne, which, after some thought, I am more excited about than a trade for Jermaine Dye. Not just because of my personal Dye issues, either... I would just love to have another strong 6th-7th-8th inning guy besides Okajima on board for the post-season. A strong righty like Gagne would perfectly complement southpaw Okajima. Yes. YES. Let's do this, Texas, you sly cats. Texas, sticking to their strategy of trading away big name older players in favor of hot prospects, would acquire Kason Gabbard, who, sure is 4-0 over 7 starts, but is really just a misspelled Jason when you think about it. I'll be obsessively watching MLB.com for the rest of the night to see where this trade goes. Apparently, the Sox are on Gagne's restricted list, since Papelbon's status as The Money Closer would prevent Gagne from getting lots of save opportunities (read: lots of big fat bonus checks). Come on, Eric. Texas blows. Don't you want to at least PLAY in October?

Also, we've traded Joel Piniero to the Cards for an as-yet-unnamed mystery player. Could it be? Could it be?! Could the Cards finally be releasing my beloved from their farm system so he can emerge, phoenix-like, as a power-hitting outfielder for the Red Sox? Sigh... I'm sure it's not. But hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

RICK ANKIEL UPDATE

I know I just posted a really long, boring post, but this HAS to make it up here today:

http://deadspin.com/sports/the-hulk-has-nothing-on-him/the-man-needs-no-superpowers-283873.php

This is possibly the most amazing thing ever. I simply must obtain a copy of this comic book. What do I have to do? Do I have to go to a Memphis Redbirds game and pretend to give a shit? I'm there. Oh man. Oh man.




[Note: I'm not actually posting at 7:30 in the morning or whatever it says. Apparently my blog thinks it's in California. Whatever.]