Sexy Rexy is back in form

In one of the more anticipated (inasmuch as a preseason game can be anticipated, which is not very much) preseason matchups so far, Indianapolis squared off against Chicago in a rematch of last season's SuperBowl last night, with surprising results. Oh, wait: Nope, they weren't surprising at all. 3 fumbles (two of which were on snaps), an interception, and a sack? Yep, that's Rex Grossman, alright. Fortunately for the Bears (you know what I just realized? Cubs are baby Bears. How cute for Chicago!), the other Adrian Peterson scored on a 1-yard run in the 3rd quarter to give Chicago a 24-17 advantage, which Nick Novak followed up with a field goal shortly afterwards. Final score: Bears 27, Colts 24.

After the game, Grossman was his usual humble self, blaming the fumble snaps on the noisy stadium crowds (shh, dammit! I'm trying to play football here) and assuring Chicago fans, "I promise you it won't be a problem. It won't happen again." Sure thang, Rexy. Whatever you say. According to my handy-dandy QB rating calculator, his 9-for-11 pass completion coupled with those stats above result in a dismal 51.53 rating for this game. Really, when you think about it, there's nowhere to go but up from here.

I should be honest here, though: I actually like Rex Grossman quite a bit. He's entertaining as hell to watch, since he can always be counted on to a) throw a spectacular long pass for a TD or b) do something outlandishly boneheaded that results in a turnover, both of which are fun to see as long as you're not a Bears fan. Plus, I am endlessly amused by his cockiness. As a New England fan, I obviously adore Tom Brady, but he's just so damn likeable that I sometimes think it would be fun to have a QB that I could love to hate, rather than one who cuddles goats and has an infuriatingly adorable butt-chin.




And because no Rex Grossman-related post would be complete without a link to the greatest sports blog entry ever, here it is.

What's that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That's gay.

God, football season is so close I can taste it. Pats/Panthers on Friday? Bring it. SuperBowl 2004, beeyotches. [Somewhat tangential note: WHEN are they going to stop naming SuperBowls with Roman numerals? It takes me like 15 minutes to figure out what game they're talking about. (Rocky II + Rocky V = ... Rocky VII, Adrian's Revenge!) And I'm a freaking Ivy League grad. Surely a switch to Arabic numerals is in order... plus, the not-so-far-down-the-road SuperBowl L is just a really anticlimactic name for the 50th anniversary of The Greatest Single Sporting Event In The World. Let's let it go already.]

Fun football fact: As I was writing this, I got an email about season tickets to Princeton football. The cost: $25 for the season. Ha. Aha. Ahahahahahaha.

The perfect way to start your morning

Here's a little news gem to make you feel better about yourself: at least you didn't glue your nether parts to a vacuum cleaner last night. I think my favorite part about this story is the guy's assertion that "this was the most embarrassing moment of my life." I feel like, as a side show midget in a circus who bills himself as Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf and includes a portion in his show where he pretends to vacuum the stage with his own penis, you've got to have a pretty high threshold for embarrassment. Right? Seems to me like this would fall under the "all in a day's work" category.

I bet Michael Vick would still rather be this guy than himself right now.



In other exciting news, Yellow Shoe Guy was back on the 86 today. He actually looked fairly dapper, and was sporting a slightly more understated (if still far, far more fluorescent than the average human being would tolerate) pair of electric blue sneakers. I wonder how many pairs of sneakers this man owns, and what his selection process for deciding which ones to wear every morning is. How about when he goes on a date? Is he like, "Well, the yellow ones are too aggressive, but the black ones don't make me look confident enough... the green ones do bring out my eyes... but the gray ones make me look suave and European..." Hee hee. I love this man. Don't ever leave me, Yellow Shoe Guy. We were meant to be.

Ookie takes the bait

In breaking news today: Michael Vick has pleaded guilty to any and all dogfighting-related charges, in perpetuity. This comes after three of Vick's co-defendants had already decided to turn stool pigeon and agreed to testify against Vick in court. The plea, which is scheduled for a hearing on August 27 (Happy birthday, Dad!), could result in a prison sentence and/or a fine of up to $250,000. Not yet clear what kind of punishment Roger Goodell will be handing down, but one thing is for sure: this is Bad Newz (ha! see what I did there?) for Ron Mexico.





Also, seeing as how we're already in the thick of preseason shenanigans, I find it kind of sad that this is my first (and, thus far, only) football-related post. I'll get on that ASAP.

Sox update

Buchholz pitched 6 innings, letting up 3 earned runs and 8 hits while striking out 5. The Sox are still up 7-4 after a huge 6-run first inning, so Clay will most likely pick up a win in his major-league debut. How exciting!

Sadly, Ellsbury did not get called up today. (Boo!) Instead, the Sox traded the disappointing Willy Mo Pena to the Nationals for a TBN minor-league player, thus leaving them room to add Buchholz permanently to the starting rotation rather than sending him back down immediately following today's game.

Hooray for Clay! Jacoby... I'll still be waiting for you.

Public Service Announcement: The students have descended.

Ladies and gentlemen of Boston:

The students are back.

Yes, it's that time of year again... I first noticed it this morning in Cleveland Circle, where I was puzzled by a higher-than-usual number of people wearing overpriced faux-vintage jeans and cargo shorts on a workday morning. And then it hit me... The glorious 2 months of summer when the big kids rule the city are gone, and bars will once again be packed with fake IDs and screeching groups of girls with identical hair and eye makeup, while the nightly line at your favorite takeout place/ice cream haunt/coffee shop triples and the B Line becomes a sweating mass of backwards baseball caps and Uggs. Sigh.

Fortunately, since I'll be living in the Back Bay this year instead of Allston (a.k.a. RIGHT SMACK IN BETWEEN BC AND BU), I anticipate an existence slightly less overrun by underage types. I will miss terrorizing unsuspecting students with the fabulous Laura at T's on Tuesday nights, however. Ah well... I suppose I can always pop over to Whiskey's, which is right next door, if I miss the collegiate scene that much.

And so, fair student-free days of summer, I bid you a tearful adieu. Boston belongs once again to the young, the loud, the drunk, the fratty, the backpack-toting, the obnoxiously full of pseudo-psychological musings, the clique-y, the Urban Outfitter-shopping, the so-hot-but-wait-he's-like-19, the loud cell phone conversation on the T-having, the subway pass-toting, the be-flip-flopped, the party T-shirt-wearing, the a cappella singing, the endlessly Family Guy-quoting, the cheap beer-drinking, the dance floor-hogging, the impeccably groomed and the deliberately disheveled-looking alike: the students.

Hide your Ikea furniture and your cheap vodka. You've been warned.

The Kids Are Alright

Red Sox Notes/Headline So Obvious It Wrote Itself for the day:

In Game 1 of what would otherwise no doubt be a fairly ordinary doubleheader against the Angels, two of Boston's hottest young prospects, outfielder Jacoby Ellsbury and starting pitcher Clay Buchholz, will be seeing action at Fenway Park today.




Today's start will mark Buchholz's much-anticipated MLB debut; he will pitch against The Other Santana Who's Really Not As Good And Should Maybe Consider Changing His Name To Avoid Unflattering Comparisons Like This One. The 23-year-old right hander has struck out 163 Triple-A batters in just 117 innings and boasts a 2.15 (!) ERA with 8 wins over 21 starts. Boston's starting pitching has been remarkably stable this year, but, nevertheless, the thought of introducing some new talent (especially in the wake of letting Kason Gabbard go) is very exciting as October moves closer and closer. It appears that Buchholz will most likely be optioned back down to Pawtucket after today's game, but his debut today should certainly be exciting. Interesting factoid: the 2005 compensation draft pick that enabled the Sox to pick up Buchholz was part of the trade package that sent Pedro Martinez packing.




The smolderingly handsome Jacoby Ellsbury, of course, made his debut in memorable fashion against the Texas Rangers on May 30 of this year, becoming the first Major League Baseball player of Navajo descent. In 6 appearances, he posted a batting average of .375. I seriously wish I could find a video of the first single Ellsbury hit the day he made his debut... I've literally never seen anyone that fast out of the batter's box IN MY LIFE. His first at-bat, Ellsbury tipped a ball off a checked swing that dropped onto the ground; catcher Gerald Laird promptly scooped it up and tagged the bewildered 23-year-old out. (Insert stereotypically snarky "Welcome to the majors, kid" from umpire here. Preferably in a Brooklyn-circa-1930 accent.) In his next at-bat, therefore, when Ellsbury blooped a ball up to 2nd that, under normal circumstances, would have been a routine out at 1st, he was apparently determined that this time would be different. He took off for first base so fast he was really just a blur in a batting helmet, the little voice in his head no doubt screaming "NO DAMMIT NOT THIS TIME I'M NOT GETTING OUT AGAIN HELL NO I'M GETTING TO FIRST AND WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT" all the way down the baseline. And he made it. Not gonna lie: I really like this kid. Here's hoping he'll crack his first major-league home run off the hapless Ervin today.

Go Sox!

Mmm. Rick.

So let's get one thing straight: I do not like, nor do I in any way generally endorse the reading of, the Boston Herald. I hate its snarky headlines. I loathe its self-congratulatory columnists. I despise the way it fawns over local politicians with mob ties. I don't like the Boston Globe, either, to be honest, but I really REALLY don't like the Herald. In general. However, I will say this: The Herald has great sports coverage. Much better than the Globe. (And, since it's tabloid format, you can always just flip to the back right away to see the sports section.) Today, there was an absolutely fantastic piece on none other than my Betrothed, Rick Ankiel himself:


http://news.bostonherald.com/editorial/view.bg?articleid=1017596



I love the reference to The Natural, which is a) a really obvious parallel and b) one of my FAVORITE movies. And, mostly, I just love to see my darling Rick getting good press. So read, and enjoy. Could Rick's incredible return be just in the nick of time (or maybe... the Rick of time? I hate myself.) to propel the Cards to the top of the NL Central? Only time will tell.