Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The perfect way to start your morning

Here's a little news gem to make you feel better about yourself: at least you didn't
glue your nether parts to a vacuum cleaner last night. I think my favorite part about this story is the guy's assertion that "this was the most embarrassing moment of my life." I feel like, as a side show midget in a circus who bills himself as Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf and includes a portion in his show where he pretends to vacuum the stage with his own penis, you've got to have a pretty high threshold for embarrassment. Right? Seems to me like this would fall under the "all in a day's work" category.

I bet Michael Vick would still rather be this guy than himself right now.

In other exciting news, Yellow Shoe Guy was back on the 86 today. He actually looked fairly dapper, and was sporting a slightly more understated (if still far, far more fluorescent than the average human being would tolerate) pair of electric blue sneakers. I wonder how many pairs of sneakers this man owns, and what his selection process for deciding which ones to wear every morning is. How about when he goes on a date? Is he like, "Well, the yellow ones are too aggressive, but the black ones don't make me look confident enough... the green ones do bring out my eyes... but the gray ones make me look suave and European..." Hee hee. I love this man. Don't ever leave me, Yellow Shoe Guy. We were meant to be.


Marta said...

I have two questions:

1. Do you really buy his story concerning how the attachment became glued to his 'member'?

2. Is it just me, or is the posting of this item on ShortNews.com just too appropriate?

Anonymous said...

you know, it would probably be less embarrassing if you had a monstrous penis, as the vacuum incident would then become a venue from braggery...(love, your diary bitch)