Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ho hum

My god, this day has been depressing. First, I didn't get any sleep last night because my stupid On Demand was broken and I had to watch regular late-night TV (insert audible Sideshow Bob-like shudder). Since Jimmy Kimmel makes me dry-heave uncontrollably, I flipped to an episode of Intervention on A&E, figuring that the soft sound of people crying would lull me to sleep. Instead, I was kept up until 2 in the morning watching a story about this alcoholic woman, and woke up a few hours later exhausted and VERY depressed. Then I sit down to read my ESPN feed and it's all Sean Taylor this and putting things in perspective that, which is actually sad to the point that there's nothing to say about it. And to top it all off, the Yanks are probably going to sign Johan Santana and I'll have to start hating him even though I actually like him a lot. This is going to be worse than when I had a crush on Tino Martinez in 8th grade and I used to undergo literally spasms of internal anguish every time he came to bat against the Sox.

To mitigate things, I'm sharing a news item from yesterday which is not actually that entertaining or relevant, but has an absolutely phenomenal headline:

Bucanneer Bachelorette Babe

Busted for Bopping Bass Fishing


The story behind that masterpiece of alliterative titleage above is that some girl who won "The Bachelor" who used to be a cheerleader for Tampa Bay got arrested for punching her fiance in the mouth. See? Really not that great. But just marvel at that headline, kids. It's like Dr. Seuss smoked a bunch of salvia and then started writing for the
National Enquirer. I bet the guy who wrote that copy is really, really proud of himself. Well, good for him. He certainly lifted me out of my funk this morning. Thank you, Anonymous ShortNews.com Headline Writer Guy!

It's not lost on me, by the way, that "buccaneers" is spelled wrong in that headline -- nor should it be lost on you. Then again, maybe this guy is just TOO brilliant to be bothered with spell check. Would you have spell-checked the Mona Lisa? Or the Bible?!


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