Is there a way to burn Facebook down to the ground?

Of course I'm on Facebook. Of course I'm addicted. I'm a recent college graduate with friends in countless different parts of the world (not to be confused with "hos in different area codes"), and I like keeping in touch with them. Plus, if there's a better tool for obsessing over cute boys, I haven't seen it.

But oh, I loathe so many, many things about Facebook. The tacky "applications." The games idiot people in idiot relationships play with changing their "status." And, above all, I hate the groups. "Haha you guys, let's make an automatically generated online page with an inside joke on it so it can occupy a line of text on the lower left corner of my profile and let the world know that I can enjoy the same jokes that 10,000 other dipshits do!" Kill me. Slowly and painfully.

Still, the typical inanity of such groups aside, I stumbled across this group today (which, I am sorry to report, two of my friends appear to have joined). Billing itself as "Young People AGAINST Barack Obama for President," the group appears to be a message board on which ultra-conservative young folks (god, I went to school with so many of those) can vent their poorly-constructed and empty arguments against the Liberal Left. I believe my favorite argument is the one suggesting that a vote for Barack is a vote for Hitler:

I agree with all of the supporters of Obama who cite the fact that he is a masterful orator. However, so was Hitler. So is Ahmadinejad. The dangers of his semantics and speeches enraptures the less self-aware and politically conscious electorate.

Really? The LESS self-aware and politically conscious? Oh, but not to worry -- there is a solution (a Final Solution?):

As disgusting as the idea sounds, we must ensure that Clinton receives the Democratic nomination.

I didn't realize college kids could sound so EVIL. "[We] must ensure..." Yikes! This group is just one more example of what I always experience when I read or listen to right-wing rhetoric. The kind of thing I might say while parodying such rhetoric (while twirling my moustache, wearing my tophat, and looking shiftily out through my monocle) is what people like this ACTUALLY SAY.

Now, all my good friends know me to be an ardent Clinton supporter -- in fact, I've devoted many hours to working on her campaign. Still, I like Obama a great deal, and would happily give him my vote were he to earn the Democratic nomination. And hot damn does this group make me mad. Madder than when I see a douchebag in a Yankees hat at the Cask & Flagon. Madder than when people walk slow on the sidewalk in front of me. Hell, even madder than when I rant about Jose Canseco. If anyone is friends with someone in this group, I highly encourage you to, like, not be.

Um, sports! Right.




Ahhhhh. That's better.