Well, the dry spell is over, since this story is just TOO absurd to pass up.
According to the New York Times (which means I get to treat this story as credible, even though the tip comes from an anonymous, unverified source), former baseball player/grade-A assmunch Jose Canseco attempted to blackmail AL batting champ Magglio Ordonez (feel free to draw in the little squiggly above the n) by demanding that Magglio invest in an upcoming film venture in exchange for having his name left out of Canseco's new book, "Vindicated."
I love Magglio's response to the whole thing:
“I didn’t want to press charges against him,” Ordóñez said. “I don’t want any problems. He is probably desperate for money. I don’t understand why he is trying to put people down.”
What a heady mix of compassion and disdain. Like a wealthy socialite dropping a $20 in a hobo's cup. Like Matt Lauer interviewing Britney Spears. Like Tom Brady writing his child support checks to Bridget Moynahan.
Canseco also tried to blackmail Magglio's agent, the irrepressible Scott Boras. God, what a moron. Boras might just be the craftiest sonofabitch in America. Bud Selig is afraid of him. Does Canseco really believe that he and his big fat head and his clumsy attempts to tarnish the reputations of other, better athletes are going to pull one over on Boras?
I could hate on Jose Canseco all day.
In other news, I finally went to my first Celtics game of the season last night, only to watch my boys drop a heated contest to the Raptors, 114-112. I've got to admit, though: much as I like to hate on bandwagon fans, it's fun to go to the Garden for a game and have it feel alive again. Good times were had by all. Also, I'll never quite get over the way everyone goes nuts every time Brian Scalabrine sinks a 2-pointer or does something else fairly unremarkable that any professional basketball player should be able to do. I guess The Onion was on to something...