Spring Training games, Day 1: Update!

Magglio Ordóñez' smile could melt the polar ice caps. If global warming were a joke, that is. Which it's not. Anyway, this might be my favorite picture of him ever.

The first day of exhibition games is officially under our belt. This morning, the air was filled with questions. Let us assess what we have learned since then:

• Reds v. Phillies: Will Dusty Baker actually be a decent manager now that he doesn't have phenomenal pitching talent to run into the ground through overuse? Heh. Nope. The Phillies stomped all over the hapless Reds, as Jamie Moyer hurled 3 scoreless innings and Ryan Howard emphatically demonstrated just how much he deserves his new raise. Any Lou Piniella detractors in the Chicago area should be silent as they ponder just how much worse it could be. The lone ray of light for Cincinnati was that Jeremy Affeldt pitched a fairly decent couple of innings. 8-1, Philadelphia.

• Mets v. Tigers: Will Detroit now be ridiculously, mindblowingly good, or just really really good? Cabrera and Willis didn't factor into Detroit's win, but you can bet your sweet ass Magglio Ordóñez did. With Miggy hitting behind Magglio (holy cow that's a lot of G's in one sentence), I'm going to go ahead and say that yeah, Detroit looks scary this year. Neither team appears to have plans to start its new ace any time soon, however, so we'll have to wait and see on that one. 4-2, Detroit.

• Rockies v. White Sox: Will Orlando Cabrera's production at the top of the lineup make up for the loss of Jon Garland and his pretty-boy facial hair? Actually, I think it will, but the Other Sox didn't look so hot this afternoon. The Rockies came out swinging (sorry) and put together a strong offensive showing behind Holliday and Tulowitzki. 7-3, Colorado.

• Royals v. Rangers: Can two teams with no pitching staff to speak of actually complete a full-length major league baseball game? Apparently so. I've literally never heard of any of the people who pitched for either team today. I've heard of Gil Meche and Kason Gabbard (wahhhhhh Kason I take it all back), who are both pitching in the next games for their respective teams, so I'll be more informed for those. I feel like the only way for a game between two crappy teams to end is with one beating the other significantly, and such was the case here. 6-1, Texas.

• Nationals v. Marlins: No questions here: Either way, Jeffrey Loria is delighted at the misery he leaves in his wake. And, as it turns out, there was no actual winner in this game (exhibition games can end in ties), so he's happy. That's one of the great truisms of our times, in fact: when nobody wins, only Jeffrey Loria is happy. And hot damn is he happy. On the plus side for the Marlins, Scott Olsen managed to make it through 2 whole innings without getting tased for anything. 3-3, the rest of the NL East.

Tomorrow's games to come, well, tomorrow.

Does anyone else find those Cheetos "Underground" commercials really creepy? They make me kind of uncomfortable.